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zackattack3000

34 M Salt Lake City, UT

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:22pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Education
Dropped out of space camp
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Who am I…Hmmm…I like to think that I am an enigma wrapped in a warm pita bread pocket.
I am a dynamic figure, I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. And I have never lost a game of paper, rock, scissors.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike kazoo playing, I learned to ride a bike at the age of 6--an activity I remain active in and enjoy to this day! I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, a ruthless bookie, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy freestyle talking and on Wednesdays and the first and third Saturday of each month, I repair VCRs free of charge.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of flannel evening wear. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured the midwest with a traveling flea-circus. My floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children and animals trust me.

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location and price of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a microwave and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, I have played Hamlet as a puppeteer, I have performed open-heart surgery on a raccoon, and I have spoken with Elvis. He says hi.
I’m really good at
Making former friends.
The six things I could never do without
NPR
PBR
PBS
OPP
PCP
and RUN DMC
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How do they get the Tootsie inside Tootsie Pops.....?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I keep Bit-O-Honeys in my pocket at all times so they're always soft are ready to go!
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you have nothing better to do...But if you're on the cusp of curing cancer or making a better tasting diet cola, I'll understand that your time is better spent elsewhere.

Or if you want to take Lindy Hop dance lessons with me.