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34 M Salt Lake City, UT

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:22pm
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Used up
Strictly anything
Atheism, and very serious about it
Dropped out of space camp
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Who am I…Hmmm…I like to think that I am an enigma wrapped in a warm pita bread pocket.
I am a dynamic figure, I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. And I have never lost a game of paper, rock, scissors.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike kazoo playing, I learned to ride a bike at the age of 6--an activity I remain active in and enjoy to this day! I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, a ruthless bookie, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy freestyle talking and on Wednesdays and the first and third Saturday of each month, I repair VCRs free of charge.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of flannel evening wear. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured the midwest with a traveling flea-circus. My floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children and animals trust me.

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location and price of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a microwave and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, I have played Hamlet as a puppeteer, I have performed open-heart surgery on a raccoon, and I have spoken with Elvis. He says hi.
I’m really good at
Making former friends.
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How do they get the Tootsie inside Tootsie Pops.....?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I keep Bit-O-Honeys in my pocket at all times so they're always soft are ready to go!
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you have nothing better to do...But if you're on the cusp of curing cancer or making a better tasting diet cola, I'll understand that your time is better spent elsewhere.

Or if you want to take Lindy Hop dance lessons with me.