Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hey all. I'm back, and I'm as unenthusiastic as ever. Care to share
an apathetic digestif?
The pictures are real. I am black & white in person. I am
merely alone and available and if I were seeking a life partner, it
is statistically very unlikely that you would be it. Or
Did I just invent an instantly obsolete gender neutral
I believe there is a subset of Poly called Cranky, and there's far
less cuddling involved.
You: Do you burn?
Me: I don't even melt.
Recently someone asked me, "If you write that you're looking for
short term relationships, why don't you say you're looking for
I replied, "Because I'm not casual about anything."
You are in a painfully dim room, illuminated only by the reality
television show that you watch to make your life seem just a bit
less miserable. Because at least you're not whoring yourself out
for nitrous, or burying yourself in expired yogurt cartons, or
pawning your autographed Judge Landis baseball card to pay off a
gambling debt you won't admit to. You are better than them. You
must be. You still cling to a little scrap of paper with the word
HOPE written on it. So you put the TV on mute and go to your Bose
sound machine your father gave you -- the one that now is the color
of coffee with too much half and half instead of whatever white it
used to be. You plug in your i-whatever and seek through to your
collection of Morrissey tracks. You set it to shuffle. You set it
to play. And you tweak the volume to a level just audible enough to
make you melancholy but not loud enough to distract you from your
Hello, once hopeful one. And welcome to the Sad Sack Dating Site.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am just like you. A polyminus. A type omega personality recently
out of a relationship that left me damaged but with just enough
energy to keep my chin up. I do not seek anything long term, but
will be dejected if the only thing I'm offered is short term or
casual, but I don't want a real relationship, but I don't want to
just be a flash in the pan either, but I really am a resilient and
Unlike the people who have just come to the city from exotic places
like Zurich and Sheboygan, who by and large are a fresh-faced and
unjaded bunch, I have been on this island for over a decade with
nothing to show for it but the odd phenomenon that all of my jobs
from the last three years have come courtesy of someone I've boned.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Obsessing over my past relationships, often resorting to quack
psychic or intuitive phenomenon that I completely reject unless
it's one of those dark dark moments that I pull out the tarot cards
and cross reference the results with online forums. I find that the
most accurate readings comes from those members who have been since
banned for overzealousness.
I am also very good at multitasking, and am extremely detail
oriented. This comes in handy as I maintain my eclectic stable of
non-relationships which distract me from the person I really want
but who I can't have and who won't have me until I change and he
changes and I change and he changes and 8 plus 8 plus 8 is 4.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
It depends entirely on which direction I'm facing.
I have a very prominent shelf-style, bartender's friend of a
behind. This makes me a hot commodity to people who have no
interest in what I actually have to say.
Reviews have included such soundbytes as:
"God Bless You, Lady."
"Holy fuck is that shit real?"
and my personal favorite, "Who did your butt?"
Also 95% of my clothes are black and covered in cat hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Does it really matter? Will you like me more if my bands are more
obscure? Will I reject you if you list the Celestine Prophecy or
Alchemist as your Bible and the Bible as your toilet paper? Is
Bible paper in fact the exact same stuff that Marcal 1000 sheets is
made of anyway and would we all do the planet a favor by using it
as such? Should I sell myself by dry humping the genius of other
people and collectives or just be honest and say that I really
would rather just sit and watch "Extreme Couponing" than ever sit
through "2 or 3 Things I Know About Her" ever again?
Can I date you if you're a vegan? Maybe. Will I like it? Maybe. But
will you squirm with all the food I hold dear and will it
eventually be a dealbreaker even though both of us say, oh no, we
don't judge, at the outset?
Because this is the section where I prove my coolness and I'm
throwing the fight. Because I am dead certain that my random iDeath
mix, when it escapes from the confines of Morrissey, will appall
you and the only things that will play on our future romantic road
trips will be the songs that you and I both can't stand. Then we'll
give up and turn on the radio in middle america and just fucking
And then we'll get into one of those conversations that have no
solutions because that's just the way of things when no one can
commit and everyone keeps their options open for first dates with
people even more damaged than the ones currently in rotation.
Right now I'm reading a non-fiction book about the cholera outbreak
in London. It's really good.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
How much I hate dill.
The Family Circus.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Ways to make this profile worse.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Weekends make me nervous. Friday's mean something. Can't we just go
out on Tuesday instead?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm emotionally unavailable for at least another three weeks.
If you're truly interested, send a reel.
No one has ever sent a reel.
That's a lie. I've gotten at least half a dozen reels.
And a lot of you weirdos don't have your pictures on your
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You don't expect a response.
Who are you looking for?
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