I own a huge villa right on the Iowa coast, and in the summers I sail a trireme to Montana, where I pillage and plunder. This is where all of my gold came from. I seek a sturdy woman who does not speak, to darn my socks and bear me 16 large children. Arrr. We will purchase many sheep, and roam the land as shepherd nomads. We will have a dog named Augustus, and he will herd both the sheep and our children. We will live in mud huts in the winter, and survive on grubs.
OK, probably not ... but if you're still reading, maybe you share my goofy sense of humor and attention span. If you're cursing me out right now instead for my privileged, chauvinistic pig-ignororance ... well, consider how I began this sentence, and based on that, what sort of irony you may have missed out on recently. :)
I'm an easy-going, emotionally literate, big-hearted man with a love of silliness and ideas, a steady job I really enjoy, and a strong tendency to say exactly what I really mean (not "blunt" honesty, but just the regular kind). Sometimes I pick my nose, make disgusting noises, and fail at organization. I laugh hard at fart jokes. I can be sort of gullible. Despite years of trying really hard to understand what makes it so important, I still have a near complete lack of curiosity about what's fashionable. These things are unlikely to change in your lifetime.
I'm on this website because I'm an introvert (INFP) - not because I'm selling low. I treat people well (lovers in particular), but will vanish in a puff of smoke if you are too selfish to return the favor.
The motto "work hard, play hard" is popular these days. I think it makes life sound like some sort of uninspired competition. Fuck that. Work and play (not mutually exclusive) are just things we do. I see life itself as more like a stroll through the woods. My ambitions are mostly about impacts I want to have, and overwhelmingly have nothing to do with which specific things I will someday own.
I stay in shape (run, swim, bike, weights, ball sports), because that's satisfying. I would prefer to share my active lifestyle with my partner (i.e. please be physically fit). Would really love to bring someone with me to RAGBRAI next year.
Please be quirky, real, free-spirited, self-aware, kind, conscientious, healthy.
Feminism is quite welcome.
*Please have a tendency toward vulnerability, earnest gratitude, and genuine remorse.* If you can't/don't reliably do these things as appropriate, then you probably don't treat people very well. Stupid relationships from my 20's have taught me lots of great things in my 30's ... but I think I'll look for wisdom elsewhere from here on out, thanks.
Please have a good nature and an imagination.
Please like big, tall, fuzzy guys. I go 6'5”/245, and I'm not waxing my chest, even if you say please with sugar on top.
Fiction - I love good satire: Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Joseph Heller, Neal Stephenson, Kurt Vonnegut, John Fowles (who didn't write satire, but was awesome), Neil Gaiman, Carl Hiaasen, Mark Twain. Want to get into Wodehouse next.
Non-fiction: The Way of the Superior Man/anything else by David Deida; Iron John; The Heart of Zen; all physics texts by Lev Landau; Guns, Germs, and Steel; How to See Yourself as You Really Are
Poetry: Whitman, cummings, Neruda, Hafiz, Rumi, Oliver ... in addition to my own stuff.
Movies: The Mexican, Up, The Big Lebowski, Will Ferrell movies, Youth in Revolt, Tropic Thunder, Team America, Idiocracy, Blazing Saddles, The Life of Brian, Snatch, Zombieland, Groundhog Day, Army of Darkness, When Harry Met Sally, absolutely anything with John Cusack, Fight Club, Dead Poet Society, Immortal Beloved, Kevin Costner baseball movies (esp. Bull Durham), etc., etc., and etc.
Shows: Venture Brothers, Adventure Time, Danger Mouse, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the Tick (greatest cartoon ever), Archer, Homestar Runner, Peep Show, Big Bang Theory, documentaries, sporting events, West Wing, Firefly, Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, Battlestar Galactica (the newer one). Oh, and I largely don't watch TV.
Music: Days of the New, Harry Chapin, Faith No More, Audioslave, Cake, Jurassic 5, Beethoven, Counting Crows, Oingo Boingo, Talking Heads, The Prodigy, Old Crow Medicine Show, Johnny Cash, just about anything grungy besides Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica, Pantera, Guster, the Beatles, Tori Amos, Guns 'n' Roses, Jack Johnson, Primus, Traveling Willburys, Queens of the Stone Age, R.E.M., Muse, etc., etc., etc. (etc.) Can't stand artless pop garbage like Katy Perry (or however that's spelled), which invariably causes me to grieve the undignified death of rock and roll.
I like everything except sweet potatoes, hazelnuts, and olives, and I adore strawberries.