Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm Zach.....I don't like to brag about myself, at least not about
anything I can't prove lol......most guys probably tend to tell you
a million facts about themselves and hope something sticks to the
wall instead of telling you the essence of what they're really
about. People say I'm really funny and tend to laugh whenever I
tell jokes. I'm really sarcastic at all times. My sense of humor is
kind of dark and cruel, except for I love "that's what she said"
jokes. I am a basketball fanatic, I play all lot and have been an
LA Lakers fan since as long as I can remember. Living in the city,
I like to people-watch to see the funny dumb things people do. Food
is one of my passions, I like to bake, cook, and go to restaurants
and try new foods. I really like to cook for other people, maybe I
can cook for you some time.
I'm a very versatile person, I get along well with lots of people.
I can dress up (very sharp too lol) and go a social event or to the
theater (real theater, not movies) or put on some athletic gear and
hang and feel comfortable in either setting. I am an extremely
passionate person in all aspects of life. Whether it be music,
cooking, or my job, I give everything I do my utmost effort
(hopefully you can be a part of this). I love a good debate, and I
love grammar. Like I said before, telling jokes is another thing I
am really good at, people always seem to laugh at the things I say,
but that may just be because I'm crazy or something (fingers
I'm looking for more than just a pretty face. I want a girl that
can enjoy a witty, intellectual, sometimes intense conversation.
The more existential the conversation the better. There's nothing I
like more than having a conversation that starts with noticing
someone's earrings, to turning into a discussion about the
vestibular system, that ends in cracking jokes about how much of a
nerd I really am. I want someone that knows what they like and what
they are passionate about and isn't afraid to stand up for it, but
also is open to new experiences. I really like going for random,
aimless walks with no particular destination, so if you like to do
that too you get bonus points in my book! As far as appearance is
concerned, I'm pretty open as to what I want. Most women are
beautiful in one way or another. I usually do prefer taller girls
(in the 5'6 and above range) but please don't think I'll reject you
if you're shorter! If you're a flake, or someone who wants to get
by on their looks alone, please move on. That's not what I'm
looking for. I want someone special and you should message me if
you are as special on the inside as you are on the outside.
My favorite quote: "If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered
mind, what, then, is an empty desk the sign of?"
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working towards opening my own candy and sweet shop
On the side, I am one of those evil Uber drivers you see making
illegal turns all over the Bay Area.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I am really good at making people laugh. That is my best skill I
think. Also, Cooking, Board Games (Scrabble and Risk and Monopoly
are my favorites), Basketball, Baseball, and I love debate. Don't
try to get into a battle of wits with me if you are unarmed. I am a
pretty competitive person, so I like doing things I can beat
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I wear bright, outlandish clothing a lot so people probably notice
that. Sometimes I spray-paint my shoes. I usually start off most
conversations with some kind of joke in order to try to make a good
impression too. And of course they notice that I am very good
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I am a Harry Potter trivia champion. If you don't believe me, ask
me anything about any of the books. Other than that, I read
I love to cook, so any kind of food is good with me pretty much. As
long as I can learn how to cook it. I LOVE baking so anything sweet
is my favorite. I am a root beer aficionado also!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm going to tell you six things I could do without instead, it's
more productive that way:
1. People on here who are already seeing someone. Go brag about it
to someone else and get over yourself.
2. People on here who are looking for only friends. Go do something
that's a hobby of yours, talk to people while doing it, and get
3. People on here who just broke up with their boyfriend: Either
take him back or don't bring him up at all. Get over
4. People on here who lie about what they want. Don't say you want
someone that's a nice guy, then when you meet one tell him that
he's more friend material because he's too nice. Get over
5. People who take duck face pictures. Nobody thinks it's cute. Get
6. People on here who barely fill out anything on their profile
then act all indignant when a guy sends you a generic sounding
message or compliments you for your pictures. You didn't give him
anything to go on. Get over yourself.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
[Young Jeezy ad-libs on repeat]
How to stay out of boxes. And boxes people put themselves in or
allow themselves to be put into. Life in general, and hypocrisies
of society. Also, cooking, my work, basketball. What my acceptance
speech would be like if I ever won some big award like a Nobel
Peace Prize or something. How badly I wish the ending to the Harry
Potter series wasn't such a letdown. Everybody should have
Let's see.....also I often think about Ghostface Killah's bracelet,
and more importantly, how to acquire it. Bonus points to you if you
know about the bracelet I'm referring to. And I think about how to
become an honorary member of the Wu-Tang Clan. And bacon.
And this: I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO READ THIS, WHETHER OR NOT MY
PROFILE INTERESTS YOU:
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into
zombies who can’t wash dishes or change their clothes. It affects
the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to
your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune.
It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and
bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds
no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You
alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially,
you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in
moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone
take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you
have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no
perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get
better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal
with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression
and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky
stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye
contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would
choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern
world. It’s an incapacity to function. It runs in families, it
ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy,
to show up to work, to make a doctor appointment, to pay bills, to
walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough
toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity
on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because
you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Cooking and baking and otherwise relaxing at home most of the time.
This doesn't mean I don't like going out though, I definitely do
enjoy going out. For some reason I just don't see any reason to do
so most of the time because I'm tired from my week of work. And
because of the paragraph above.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't believe in spiders.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
First and foremost, if you can give me lives at Candy Crush.
Second and secondmost, if you can live with the ~95 percent
probability that I'm more intelligent than you are.
Third and thirdmost, if you will let me use your address to adopt a
kitten (domestic shorthair/calico/tuxedo/bengali). Or a puppy. Or
Like I said earlier, if you are more than just a pretty face. I
want someone who's just as pretty on the inside as on the outside
and I can't emphasize it enough.
You realize that when a girl messages a guy it pretty much
guarantees her a date if she wants one.
You are willing to meet in person!!!
And if you can actually explain what it is that makes your sense of
humor sarcastic, other than the fact that everyone seems to say
And yes, I was serious about the duckface thing. NO DUCKFACE
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.