I am a large squishy pretty polyamorous dog co-dependent/wannabe artist/mom/seeker/lawyer/sex fiend/recovering Luddite/wannabe geek/semi-sentient daughter of the Universe (<--I'm not sure who my other parent was. Every time I ask the Universe, it blushes and mutters something about a bad day, too much bourbon and some guy selling encyclopedias door-to-door). I am the winner of my eighth grade spelling contest. I am severely afflicted by wanderlust, as well as most other kinds of lust. I like sunsets, old ocean liners, movies, Italy, crafting, long walks on the beach at sunset while gazing into my lover's eyes, playing pinochle in the ER while waiting to be seen for broken bones after tripping over sleeping sea lions while eye-gazing with my lover. And brussels sprouts. I hate beets.

I am silly, funny as hell, and insatiably curious.

Trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up.

Laughing, laughing at myself, making bizarre culinary creations out of Twinkies.

My green eyes and my ginormous ta-tas.

Dogs, laughter, books, a passport, chocolate, and a can opener to open that damned plastic clamshell packaging that gets used these days on everything from toys to audio components.

...whether clams make the ocean smell or the ocean makes clams smell.

Eating pizza with my kid, surfing the net, wrestling with my dogs on the bed while the cats watch with disdain.

That I have a hard time being serious when I fill out these profile things, but that I'd seriously like to find a primary partner who is too smart for his own good, funny as hell and not an axe murderer with whom to while away my waning years.

You're smart, funny as hell, interested in something more than a roll in the hay or three (even if not the whole "waning years" schtick), and you are not an axe murderer.