I am not trying to save the world. One thing at a time, as far as I'm concerned. My default state is trying to make people laugh, even if I'm in a meeting with people who could fire me. I do not believe that things happen for a reason, but I appreciate the idea of karma. I hope to grow into someone who is able to meditate effortlessly. In the meantime, I do not meditate at all. I am proudly unpretentious and recognize the irony. I am generally skeptical of everything, including any particular person's ability to discern what in the world it is that they actually want/need, myself included. I think vegetarianism is morally correct but have no will power when it comes to this particular facet of my life. Relatedly, I think ducks are rad. I am pretty hard on myself, especially when I ignore homeless people, which is often. I tend to overthink-through-things, but am at the point now where I'm done feeling superior because of how deep I am. I believe people are good.
I am looking for someone who is a jokester first (since I am pretty sure everything in the world is a joke) and a philosopher second (I have questions about what it means if everything in the world is a joke) but most importantly, is super smart, super smiley, and super rich, er, I mean, super DUPER rich.
tl;dr I'm great.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a lawyer who is happy with his job (we exist). I'm also in the process of lying to myself about how I'm about to get a dog. I'm totally about to get a dog.
I’m really good at
Writing! Being cynical! Making people laugh at terrible jokes!
Avoiding conflict! Using exclamation points! Abusing my exclamation
The first things people usually notice about me
If you're from the North, "This guy probably likes Seinfeld."
If you're from the South, "This guy seems like a Northerner."
If you're from the West, "HANG TEN DUDE COWABUNGA!" (I haven't spent a lot of time out there.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The ten best books (in alphabetical order by author's last name, sub-sorted by title) are: Dry (Burroughs), The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (Chabon), Wonder Boys (Chabon), Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (Eggers), What is the What (Eggers), Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (Foer), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Kesey), Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (Klosterman), Everyman (Roth), Portnoy's Complaint (Roth)
The best movie is: American History X (I don't know if I actually believe this but I decided long ago that this is my answer to the "favorite movie" question.)
My favorite band (at the time, in order by age declared 'favorite band'): They Might Be Giants (13), Rancid (14), Less Than Jake (15), Mad Caddies (16), NOFX (17), Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (18), The Juliana Theory (19), The Get Up Kids (20) Alkaline Trio (21), Jack Johnson (22), Death Cab for Cutie (23), Coheed and Cambria (24), The Decemberists (25) The Postal Service (26), Jurassic Five (27), Atmosphere (28), Brother Ali (29), Moon Hooch (30), [apparently became an old person (31+...)]
Note: The list above may be filled with lies and half truths!
Food: Avocado. Blackberries. Fancy ramen/pho. Toasted everything bagel with whipped cream cheese and over easy egg (patent pending). Indian food that white people like.
The six things I could never do without
I tend to believe that, for the most part, we can do without all things, even those things we think we could not live without. Public transportation is pretty sweet though. Also, coffee.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
To quote They Might Be Giants: "Every jumbled pile of person has a
thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't
On a typical Friday night I am
I need more data to accurately answer this question. I'll only be
able to measure a "typical" Friday night after experiencing all of
the Friday nights in my whole life and then looking back to see
what sort of night is average. There's also the mean/median/mode
issue to contend with. I do not like this question.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a $5 off $15 Bed Bath and Beyond coupon on me at all times.
You should message me if
- You find meaning in meaningless banter
- You are generally not exhausted by nonsense
- You at least pretend to not mind jokes about grammar
- You are a Nigerian prince who needs a cash advance