My early life is what you would expect. My first memory was the look of quiet speculation on my parents faces as the last of the house guards was murdered. To save my life my parents defended me fighting like gods and almost defeating Master Lee and his deadly killer mongoose 'furball'. But as they were about to perform their signature move, Master Lee and furball summoned the power of the mighty mongoose and vanquished them both.

Luckily this bought me enough time to escape into the surrounding forest where I hid in a small spaghetti bush.

That day I vowed to avenge my family, to learn the secrets of the forest and to train in the ancient art of my family 'The Way of the Sea Monkey'.

15 years later I emerged from Whitmoor common, my spaghetti bush a memory, my fate set out in front of me, and my trusted Grizzly Bear 'Pongo' (see pictures) by my side. I now seek the ones known as Master Lee and Furball to revenge my family and let their memory rest.

I like to dress up in costume like Hannibal from the A team does. My favourite is pretending I work at Burger King, then when someone asks for a Big Mac, I tell them they just found the A team. It hasn't happened yet but it will, I just know it........

Sea Monkey Kung Fu

I tend to keep a low profile, but Pongo has no shame and can be found strutting his stuff in HAHA or Five and Lime, ladies in both paw out of his tree on honeyed wine. I can't blame him, as he is a complete bearwhore and pulls the girls easily by growling at them and pawing the air like.........a bear does.

I never learnt to read, I have to endure watching 'The Bear' and 'Gentle Ben' almost every day, I have my own revenge music, Pongo is a Vegetarian which kinda makes me a vegetarian too.

Revenge, Pongo, My Secret Move, Spahetti, My flute, Daddy or Chips?

Where Master Lee is

Looking for Master Lee (before picking up Pongo at the kebab van)

There was once a 'moment' between Pongo and I

You have seen master Lee, know of him, your surname is Lee, you own a mongoose, you father owns a mongoose, your neighbour owns a mongoose, you are thinking of buying a mongoose from a suspiciously spritely old man or in fact you like talking utter shite rather than working.