From nicolennadia, a good person:

"You enjoy ridiculous 'Vulan Hand sign', psychological testing, you loser Startrek fan.....which screams, 'Its all about me!' Yeah you're a vegan in thrift store clothing who can hardly grow a beard, and has hardly any manly qualities. Meaty genitals...you wish sir. Are you trying to write a book called,'The Ziltches, Startrek lovers Guide to Online love'.

Consider yourself pw0ned....sir. I've already let OK Cupid moderators know about your scam. Now, go pick up your game controller and your hipster poetry book and whatever Bright Eyes album of your choice, and get a rodimous prime, and yank it.....ziltch.,"

Editors

• Slarti24
• Moiraine2342

I am a famously dapper Prince who enjoys many dainty endeavors. Chief among my hobbies is prancing through wooded glens whilst plucking the strings of my tungsten lyre. I wear velveteen hand slippers so as not to scuff my fingers, but only because it's awfully tite of me to do so. Did you know that last night, as I was merrily skipping through a particularly treacherous stretch of foliage, my fey green tights became ensnarled on a bramble twig? I yelped in surprise, for how terrible it is to be pricked by such a thorny protuberance! Anyway, my panicked thrashing eventually attracted the attentions of a very angry zombie mastodon. She trumpeted loudly and decided to sit upon my legs, crushing them with her woolly, rotting haunches. Her undead company wouldn't have been so disagreeable if the frenzied burbling of the larval insects beneath her skin hadn't exploded onto my nymphal face. I don't mind admitting that many a prehistoric grub burrowed their way into my finely crafted features that night and suckled upon the juicy contours of mine lobes. Soon, as we are kissing, you will taste what I'm talking about.

Editors

• Slarti24

Autognosis. Or, at least, I assume I'm fairly skilled in this area. Conversely, something I'm truly horrible at is banishing instances of loganamnosis. And concomitant to that shortcoming is my almost pathological refusal to believe that people aren't as interested in the English language as I am and have no problem consulting an online dictionary to help untangle the messy tapestry of word use that I'm so fond of weaving. (As a sign of self improvement, however, I offer the following: loganamnosis - n. The obsession with recalling a certain word, name, or phrase.)

I'm also fairly adroit with a fork; not once have I mistaken my eye for my mouth.

...my unusually tasty flank. I take special measures to saturate my skin with only the juiciest of foreign marinades so that you, my loyal consumers, can take home a plentiful hunk of my flesh to feed your doting family.

The best movie I've seen in the last year is The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes. Of course, I'm an amnesiac, so every year to me is 1956.

I enjoy reading all sorts of literary offerings: Russian classic literature, from which I try to absorb as much writing style as possible; comic books, from which I try to learn a thing or two about shooting dilithium crystals from my eyes; the want ads, from which I'm trying to find a buyer for this sack of ankles I can't seem to get rid of; and the body language of various people I encounter, from which I imagine I glean a keen insight of their behavior, but in reality I'm only able to deduce how gravid their bladder is from how urgent their potty dance is.

I have a Dead Milkmen tattoo on my arm which indicates that I do indeed enjoy eating food.

In a very particular order, I present my list:

1) This question.
2) Width.
3) Sherry Britton
4) The hiding space under your bed
5) zombie survival fantasies
6) ffffm incest stories

What the Great Pumpkin has in store for me.

...trolling the streets for queerbait.

****Spoiler Alert!!!****

I do not live with my parents. I realize most women appreciate a man (or man-child) who loves his mother so much that he never wants to leave her side. This admission will probably spook most of you away, but I am who I am and I live in a parent-free home.

Okay then.

-You want to play AD&D with me, but not D&D.

-You have the vapors.

-Your fly is open. Unintentionally.

-People mistake you for a librarian.

-You live in the Philippines and wish to marry me because my rotting flesh is the same color as the green card you secretly desire.

-Supposably is not in your lexicon.

-John Rambo is your favorite poet.

-Your profile is fake and you want me to be your e-boyfriend.

-You think the following is funny: What did the 90-degree triangle say to his unconvinced friend? "C'mon, you know I'm right."

-We fight together sometimes.

-You would attend DragonCon with me and bring along a few costumes.

-If you, like me, learned everything you know about love from the Punisher War Journal.

-You want to be my Maple Story wife so we can complete the Amoria party quests.