I never check in here these days. I live on Maui and real life is better than the web. I was vegan for 13 years and vegetarian about half my life, but I quit about 16 months ago and now I'm an omnivore again. This, like all things will probably change in time.

I'm almost always laughing and optimistic and though I am passionate about many things, I'm really not that serious most of the time, in fact I'd call myself a goof. Politically you might call me a Green Libertarian Socialist, but I'm really not into labels. Politics won't get you anywhere anyway. I'm into organic gardening and compassion for all living things including Mother Earth; I like trees. I have a few children who keep me entertained and give me something to live for; however, as a result of life's twists and turns I am normally thousands of miles from them. This is sometimes difficult for me emotionally, but I am practicing acceptance.

I have often been called an extremist, and I usually have to do things my own way even if it creates difficulties. Almost nothing about my life is conventional although as I age I do strive to create less friction which I guess might be referred to as wisdom. Or not. I believe strongly in reincarnation and the chinese concept of crisis as opportunity. I would very much like to make a lasting mark on the world and leave it in a better state than the way I found it. I'm trying to walk lightly on the planet and live simply but society really seems to frown on this for some reason.

Incidentally, for quickmatch purposes, my ID is veganlove.

I am laughing, deviant, and psychedelic

I am trying to regain my equilibrium.,

My favourite conventional job so far has been as a librarian working in the circulation department at a university library, but really I'm at a loss.

To be honest, really I have no idea what to do with my life. I'm sort of holding out for a recording contract for better or worse. I knew exactly what job I wanted from the age of 9 when I first heard Stevie Wonder on the radio. My greatest passion is performing and songwriting which I have been doing from a young age, but not with much commercial success which has been a continual source of confusion and frustration. Really it's not that confusing since I am chronically unorganized and really shouldn't be handling all aspects of my career myself--after all I'm really not that skilled at anything other than writing and playing songs. It would be euphoric to simply live off my art instead of constantly struggling through this incarnation with bad feelings about doing other jobs that seem to have no inherent point or value and which I'm not even especially very good at. I suppose if nothing else works out I could always get a job at a video rental store or something.

My cousin was Irving Berlin, who is arguably the most prolific and successful american songwriter of all time, so in some ways I'm trying to be more like him while avoiding the worst parts of what he became when he got famous. He was quite misanthropic, isolated and untrusting as he got older. Interestingly, he made his fortune in sheet music publishing and never even learned to read or write music. He owned the worlds first transposable piano (which is now in the Smithsonian) and wrote his first slew of hits on only the black keys which is also food for thought, lol. Incidentally, last year he was still number 10 on the highest earning dead musicians list. (He earned 10 million bucks last year if memory serves--right behind Bob Marley and George Harrison. Disappointing that my family has never seen a dime of it I suppose.) If you are wondering who the hell he is, he wrote White Christmas, Puttin' On the Ritz, God Bless America---25 number one hits in all, and literally over 1200 published songs. He was a scary dude, but my cousin nonetheless. Anyway, I'm trying to be prolific like him, but I do procrastinate obscenely.

By the way, if you want to check out my music, I have recently posted a few of my older songs at:

http://www.myspace.com/joshuagar

I've decided that I'm not really good at much except procrastination and even I do manage to get things done on occasion, so maybe I'm not really good at anything. I do have some mad skills though, believe it or not. I do laugh a lot, and I play a mean game of Scrabble for instance. I'm also really good at drinking all your wine. I'm pretty good at a lot of things, but I'm not an expert at much.

However, if I had to toot my own horn I'd say I'm an above average musician and a unique songwriter and creative voice in the world.

Also I have managed to glean quite a bit of info about a fairly wide variety of subjects that are normally considered off the beaten path by most. I've been told I'm a very good conversationalist.

I've never asked and few have bothered to tell. I don't base much on first impressions and you shouldn't either. Unless of course you find me naked somewhere and then it might tell you a lot.

Before I list anything at all in this section I should point out that I have gone long periods in my life without any and all of these things including food (extensive fasting in the past). I tend to do the things I like a lot and then go through long periods of abstinence. Often I prefer silence to music, don't own a TV or VCR, or choose to meditate instead of read. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with modern society and just choose to tune it all out. But when I listen to music I tend to turn it up loud and when I party it's always like it's 1999.

Books--David Hawkins' "Power Vs. Force", Tao Te Ching, Michael Newton's "Journey of Souls", Laurence Gardner's "Lost Secrets of the Sacred Ark", Spiritual Midwifery, William Braden's "The Private Sea--LSD and the Search for God", Jeff Steven's "LSD and the American Dream", "the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test", everything by Douglas Adams, everything by Hunter S. Thompson, "Catcher in the Rye", "Ender's Game", "Stranger in a Strange Land", all Tom Robbins, Harry Potter books, PG Wodehouse, Vonnegut, Farmer's Riverworld series. I read voraciously most of the time, but lately I've been slowing down a bit. Recently I've gone off on a spirituality kick of sorts (not religion mind you), but I won't go into it unless you ask. This was largely triggered off by Masaru Emoto's The True Power of Water and Gregg Braden's The Isaiah Effect.

Movies--I like documentaries and most comedies though I appreciate good movies in general. One of my all time favourites is Hudson Hawk; The Big Lebowski is another. crumb, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Endless Summer, Henry and June, Run Lola Run, Princess Bride, 1900, Hitchhiker's Guide, Where the Buffalo Roam, Incident at Oglala, Wild Man Blues, Sweet and Lowdown, Basquiat, Withnail & I, Roger and Me, New Waterford Girl, Raising Arizona, What Dreams May Come, Breakfast Club, the Big Chill, the Color Purple, Shawshank Redemption, Good Will Hunting, Pushing Tin, the Player, Sneakers, Fear and Loathing, A Fish Called Wanda, L.A. Story, Blues Brothers, Pulp Fiction, Slacker, Finding Forester, Being John Malkovitch, Grace of My Heart, Purple Rain, Catch Me If You Can, and on and on and on...I don't usually see movies more than once and I have seen literally thousands I think, so it's tough to pull out favourites, but I like everything by Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, Christopher Guest, Coen Brothers, Robert Altman. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind reminded me of smoking salvia divinorum which is certainly unique in all of my experiences. One of my favourite actors is Bill Murray and I never miss his films. I also love J. Depp, but not necessarily in any sexual way, though if I were to go after a man, he might be my type, ho ho ho. I also like Robin Williams a lot. The best movie I've seen recently is V For Vendetta.

Music--Beatles, XTC, Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Aimee Mann, Michael Penn, Ron Sexsmith, Radiohead, Sheryl Crow, Jeff Buckley, Tim Buckley, CSN, old James Taylor, Joni Mitchell (who I met semi recently in Canada at the local mall), Suzanne Vega, Michael Hedges, the Violent Femmes, Simon and Garfunkle, Ben Harper, Ani DiFranco, Phish, John Mayer, Elliott Smith, Sarah Harmer, Dylan, Dave Matthews, Zeppelin, Rusted Root (who I have opened for a few times), Bob Marley, Coltrane, Miles Davis, Medeski Martin and Wood, Joshua Redman, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, YES, Hendrix, the Strokes, White Stripes, REM, Beck, Bach, Mozart, Beethoven...this is by no means an exhaustive list.

Foods--Basicly anything vegan and preferably organic and possibly even raw. YUM!!! Its all good! My absolute favourite food is raw fruit pie and if I ever make you one it's a sure sign that I love you and want you to love me back! Vegan pizza or soy ice cream are also high on my list. If it's vegan you'll never hear me complain.

My sister Liz makes the best cookies I have ever had. www.lizlovely.com just in case you are wondering where you can get some. They are distributed through Wholefoods and should be on the west coast this fall.

Artists--Van Gogh, Escher, Gustav Klimt, Picasso, Monet, Dali, Magritte

Drugs--As I have a fairly addictive personality, I have thus far avoided all physically addictive substances with the exception of caffeine which I would gladly quit if I had a good source of Yerba Mate tea. I did have a brief run in with various pills when I was in university, and I have done my share of serious drinking, but I think it's pretty much out of my system at this point. I do like to alter my consciousness however, and that basicly includes a sacramental use of LSD or mushrooms or other entheogenic substances on occasion. I'm open to new experiences and actually getting away from things like ganga even though I still crave it when I find I've been sober for far too long. When I have it I tend to use too much too often, so I sort of have a love/hate relationship going there. I really am slowing down in my consumption as I age for good or ill. I haven't done any hallucinating in more than a year actually. Still if I had to choose a drug of choice, it would be LSD. If I ever find a woman who likes it as much as me we might never leave the nest again, lol.

My guitar and my five senses.

my navel (I kid!), sex, unfinished songs and lyrics, 420, yerba mate tea, reincarnation, Sri Sathya Sai Baba, David Blaine, my mom's cancer and the fragility of humanity. The humour (or irony) in everything and the paradoxical nature of the universe. Why so many people on this site seem so afraid to admit private things. Why are people so guarded?

I think quite a bit about our direct connection with spirit or the God within each of us and how we are all interrelated even though we often feel seperate and distant...I wonder why athiests don't see this. Ways to make the world a better place. Veganism. My personal life's path and my purpose for incarnating here and now with the lessons and obstacles that I have chosen for myself.

I think a lot about going on tour. Traveling, and playing music and getting paid for it seems like an ideal job, and I hope to achieve that. Also a record deal would be nice, but holding your breath for too long can be exhausting and sometimes it is definitely wise to just relax and let go which is pretty much where I'm at these days. I have few, if any, expectations, but a certain amount of success would be nice.

I think a lot about my personal baggage like my feelings of guilt because I have achieved so little in conventional terms, and also haven't lived the life of social service that I always thought I would. I'm often very hard on myself, I am learning. I contemplate my struggle for improved health, my career (or a lack thereof), my children and meditation. How I should get back to doing yoga. Where I have gone wrong in life and how I might go about fixing those mistakes. Maybe Thoreau had it right? Why nobody that I know can keep a marriage together except my immediate family and why they don't even seem all that happy a lot of the time. How I never seem to feel normal unless I am performing for people regularly. Thoughts drift along like clouds so there's bound to be a myriad number just looming on the horizon at any given moment.

Sometimes I think about throwing myself over Niagra falls. A bit dark and morbid perhaps, but you must admit I would get some kick ass suicide style points. I read recently that 1 in 120 people kill themselves and that startled me. Then I looked it up on the internet and the statistics I found there put it at more like 1.3% of the north american population. Sheeesh! That's like 1 in 77 people. However, very few of those go over the falls. When I do things, I like to do them with a bit of flair.

trying to find something a-typical to do.

I never wear underwear. The idea of it makes absolutely no sense to me.

Also I have a complete distrust of microwave ovens.

I have a lifelong intense aversion to shopping but I like going to garage sales or flea markets sometimes. Still mostly I just browse. Thrift strores do make me happy though.

Well these are just after-thoughts really, but I should mention that I am probably the worlds biggest procrastinator, that I am chronically unorganized, and that I always thought I'd be famous by now but have had to come to grips with my quite obvious lack of conventional success. (Oh my fragile ego!)

I had a vasectomy about 6 years ago, for good or ill, so no more kids are on my horizon no matter how hard I try.

I still dream of finding some organic, vegan commune somewhere that I can truly call home. I like tie-dyes, and I guess I'm a bit of a freelove hippie at the root. LSD is my drug of choice though I haven't done it for years. I'm a bit of a nudist and like to go skinny dipping.

I like to work cooperatively with people but I despise being ordered around or told what to do. I wouldn't call myself type-a or alpha male, but I'd much rather solve problems in my own way--if I need help I'll ask for it. Any discipline that I have acquired has come from within, and I sincerely believe we all must find our truths by going inward, not by searching outwardly or by following outside authority.

At this point in my life I really don't care about material wealth or joining the rat race in any way which does tend to cause friction with some people. It would, however, be nice to get to a point where I didn't have to think about money (or a lack of it) at all, and if I am offered the corporate music industry deal, you'd better believe I will jump at it, but mostly just to get out of debt and worry less about how to provide well for my kids. I realize this is an extreme contradiction, but recently I've come to terms with the idea that to survive in this world as an artist I probably have to whore myself out to someone and grease the wheels of a corrupt industry. I don't think this necessarily invalidates my message or my life's work, and I can live with the compromise. My work is music and without it I find I'm rather aimless and unhappy.

I try to live life fully from a place of love and not fear, but at times I can be pretty self critical. I am really trying to get over that, but I still catch myself thinking negatively once in a while. It usually passes quickly.

I really enjoy listening to and learning from other people. I double majored in sociology and political science in university, but I have only ever used those to understand people better. My original intent was to become a college professor and change the world by twisting young open minds, but somehow those plans got set aside when I dropped out of university to support my first partner and child. I guess in the back of my mind I also always thought that it would just be a matter of time before I figured out some way to support myself through music. A heady ego combined with complete naivete and a lack of long term planning...a complicated combination to be sure. Still I know the universe provides us with what we need.

My mantra in recent years has been "lighten up" which is definitely an improvement over the mantra of my early twenties which was "fuck you if you can't take a joke!" or even my late twenties which had more of a "what, me worry?" kind of feel to it. I find myself laughing at a lot more things as I get older.

Incidentally, I disagree with okcupid's analysis of me as "PLAYBOY"...I can be momogomous or polyamorous depending on the situation. I got tired of being hurt in relationships when women would cheat on me so I loosened my expectations. I am by nature an open person who at times could feasibly put myself into questionable situations anyway that might compromise a relationship with a more prude-like individual. (I like massage and skinny dipping and the occasional wild party for instance.) However, this does not make me a playboy, does not mean that I must or will have sex with various people and in fact I am quite open to a committed monogamous relationship if/when the opportunity presents itself. I am in my heart still looking for one person to spend my life with--a soulmate even. But if that doesn't happen (or until it does) I see no reason to get all hung up on the dogma of monogamy, and I'm open to other types of relationships. Jealousy does not do it for me but honesty does. Also "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds..."

Its not like I'm having sex with anyone right now anyway, let alone different people on different nights, or different people on the same night, or at the same time, lol.

I'm an open and explorative person and would like to experience more; my life has been a little too white bread for my tastes, lol. Suggest something and you might be surprised...

Obviously, I'm not a very private person really. More of an open book with blank pages at the end where you should feel free to doodle or add to the story. I'd like it to get really exciting now--just a small suggestion, ho ho. See what you can do, eh?!

Surprise me or make me laugh until it hurts, and I will adore you because very little does lately.

By the way, you can always ask me anything and I will always be honest; some family members say painfully so, but I'm trying to be less harsh as I age.

If you happen to have any interest in anything I've mentioned in this profile and want to chat or meet or whatever.

Or if you happen to be (or have influence over) any type of music industry insider--I may not be a spring chicken who's self propelled and selling hundreds of thousands of cds on my own, but I am the real deal baby, and I've watched enough people's jaws drop to know that for certain. I'm not an ego maniac or someone with a chip on their shoulder, but it is kind of obvious when people are impressed with what I do. Now if only I could successfully market that and live off the proceeds, lol.

If you find spelling mistakes in this profile or the need to tell me of some other truly gross error in thought or grammar. I do realize that I don't apostrophize much. Its a lazy form of e-protest, so you may have to just deal with it.

I can't think of a reason you shouldn't message me unless your purpose is to taunt me and make me feel bad. I have been told a few times that my profile is extremely scary and a little sad, and I could have done without hearing that. Some people just have NO sense of humour and can be so mean! Yes I am well aware that I am an unusual character; a weirdo even, if you must. Please tell me something I haven't known since I was 3 years old!

Rest assured that I am NOT a stalker, (hey I don't even own a car), that I am an extremely entertaining person to know and love (so I have been told by many good people in years past), and that I am mostly harmless, although at times the truth has been known to hurt some people, including me. Still I crave it like a bad drug, so lay it on me people, but use kid gloves if appropriate. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with a diplomatic approach to life, especially if you are trying to avoid fist fights or wars and hold a desire to leave people with at least a shred of dignity. I might sound foolish saying it, but I still believe strongly in the idea that peace and love will get you further than war, any day. There is fundamentally more power in the positive, and it has recently been proven scientifically. Refer to the book, Power vs. Force by David Hawkins.

By the way, if you have actually read this entire profile, then kudos to you--I wish I could give you a Liz Lovely Cookie, and by all means write me and tell me what I should eliminate or edit or add. Or feel free to offer diagnosis for my psychosis...I come online because its the cheapest form of entertainment and therapy around.

Incidentally, if I don't respond to a message, don't take it personally. I try to always respond to everyone who writes to me, but I've noticed that sometimes I get a pile of unanswered messages building up and I really don't know if I will ever get to them all. When it rains it pours for some reason and I do procrastinate. I will make an effort, but in a moment of weakness I could conceivably erase them all heartlessly. I've erased years worth of journal entries like that before so consider your self warned.