Their result for The JD Wetherspoon Customer Test ...

Creepy Old Drunk

You scored 100 Bottles of Reef and 98 Age!

You! Stop looking at my legs!

You are the creepy old drunk. You don't really seem to have many friends. That's probably obvious. All of your possessions are kept in plastic bags and you demand that your ale is drunk not from a glass, but from a tankard, that you bring in yourself. It's pewter. It's seen better days.

Really! I'm not going to tell you again. Stop staring at me. Jesus.

I know nothing about you, you are a complete mystery. All I know is that you are creepy, old, and a drunk.

STOP IT. Right, that's it, I'm getting the manager...

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • Bottles of Reef Distribution

    They scored 100% on Bottles of Reef, higher than 100% of your peers.

  • Age Distribution

    They scored 98% on Age, higher than 100% of your peers.

All possible test results

The High Chair

I'm not sure you're allowed to be here. Are your parents here? It's nothing but J20 for you, sonny jim! You are young and obviously haven't been in these sorts of places before. Don't worry. Soon,... Read more

The Teetotaller

You were dragged here by your friends, but you're beginning to reconsider your relationship with them now they've brought you here. You spend much of your time admiring the large collection of unread ... Read more

The Pissed-off Date

Of all the places to bring you, they brought you here? They are getting NOTHING out of this. In the morning, you're totally going to call up that other person that got you tickets to the opera and see... Read more

The OAP Escapee

Ooooh. Wow. Look at the lights! It's not like this in the home! It's so LOUD! Where are you? Someone just spilt something on your pyjamas... You have escaped from the Old Age Pensioner's home ... Read more

My First Pub

This is exciting. You're a little underage, you shouldn't really be here, but wow! You totally managed to sneak past the bouncers with Darren's help, and now you and Darren are living the high life, d... Read more

Not My First Choice

Okay, this sucks, but god, it's better than being at home watching Friends. Although it is the one with Jean Claude Van Damme tonight, and though you've seen it lots of times before, it's still funny.... Read more

The Cheap Suitor

You are scum. You aren't aware of this, but you should be. You've finally managed to persuade someone of the opposite sex to come out with you, you want to convince them to kiss you later, you've even... Read more

The Warmth Seeker

It gets cold out there at this time of year. What? It's August? The night is chilly, though. Could you pass that blanket? You've just popped in to get out of the cold on your way back to your home... Read more

That Kid

You are "That Kid". You never wanted to be "That Kid", but that is what nature has decided you are. Someone has bought you drinks, haven't they? That's why you're yelling so loudly about "THE WORL... Read more

The J.D.Wetherloon

(Before I continue with your description, make sure you remember to pick up your copy of "Wetherspoons News" on your way out. You haven't got this month's copy yet, and you wouldn't want to have a lea... Read more

Drunk Businessman

Hard day at the office, Greg? God, I know. Here, mate, have a beer... When are you leaving here tonight? Closing time? Good good. 12 across? It's "COUGAR", mate. "COUGAR". Read more

Creepy Old Drunk

You! Stop looking at my legs! You are the creepy old drunk. You don't really seem to have many friends. That's probably obvious. All of your possessions are kept in plastic bags and you demand th... Read more

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