The "What Date Are You?" Test

All possible test results

9845 BC - Gatherer

You're straightforward, at least. The simple needs of life are enough sustainance to get you by right now with your style. Read more

64024 BC - Subhuman

You have no culture AND you stink. You should be ashamed of yourself. Did your mother raise you in a barn? No, seriously- did she? Stop farting in public and grunting about your problems. Some Ri... Read more

1985 AD- Middle Mgmt

You're a corporate slave. Modern, getting the work done - but not racking up the brownie points. On the bright side, you can rest easy, as you're not sociopathically passing through the population l... Read more

2024 AD- Hobo

Yes, they do in fact have hobos in the future and this will be you unless you change your waaays Ebeneezer Scrooooooge... You're unimpressive and you stink. Not a winning combination. Read more

1243 AD- Farmer

Git er dun! You aren't knockin em dead with your slick ways or your wit, but people are drawn to you by your down to earth charm. The intangible quantities are working for you. Which is a good thin... Read more

984 AD- Petty Baron

You're well mannered, but you smell of rank cheese. People are trying to converse with you but have trouble overcoming their retching. I know it's the dark ages but please buy some perfumes and spic... Read more

8294 BC - Shaman

Who's got the power of voodoo? You do! Your date is in the time when people were starting to settle down and establish wise folk. You would have been one of those folk, who thought with their heads... Read more

15639BC- Neanderthal

You are the last of the Neanderthals. Unknown to most people, the Neanderthals were actually quite well cultured and not very violent. It is suspected that they died out due to humanity being more b... Read more

2001 AD - Deep Blue

You are a modern supercomputer. Wise beyond your means and intelligent in your approaches, you can look into the ripples created by the smallest move if you choose. You're great at chess, too. Read more

1998 AD - Tenured

You're a tenured chemistry professor. No one can fire you because you've been working at the school for over fourty years, more than was needed to make you senile. Somehow, you're still b... Read more

1669 AD - Newton

You're the godfather of physics in his prime. You got class AND you're careful. How do ya like them apples, huh? Also, if you're a girl, don't worry- Newton had hair plenty long enough to... Read more

1501 AD - Alchemist

Much like their modern day tenured counterparts, alchemists were smelly individuals who knew how to tread carefully. It was more socially acceptable in those days to blow things up for no good reason... Read more

11087 BC - Breeder

Pure sex is your driving principle. You helped make the human race what it is today- an overpopulated mass of thinking flesh stripping the earth bare of its every natural resource. But it'... Read more

12040 BC - Stinky

Very similar to the breeder, but dirtier. You want sex and lots of it, but you have a strange smell frequently mistaken for gonnorhea. It's actually just an infection. Don't sweat it, antibiotics w... Read more

1986 AD - Rock Star

You know how to score and when to slide off the scene. Everybody wants to be your friend and a large number of people have wanted to bang you for about two decades. Almost as many people as the numb... Read more

1996 AD-Creepy Greek

Frat boys, frat boys, what you gonna do? Any organization you're affiliated with seems to be marked as "the sketchy one." You're smelly but somehow seem to come off as slick with the opposite sex. ... Read more

1321 AD - Knight

The knights certainly didn't mind a little play now and again. However, most conducted themselves honorably - combining good manners and chivalry with their goals. Read more

1589 AD - Pirate

Sure you're scruffy and arrrrgggg, but folk just like you. Otherwise you cast them off into sea. You've pillaged more booty in a night than some will in a lifetime and still want more. Regardless, ... Read more

3448 BC - The Chief

You are the head of an isolated island nation, the sole power over an entire people- both charismatic and wise. Your goals may be simple but your methods are a balance of thought and action. Plus, l... Read more

1220 AD - Warlord

You are a master of strategy and diplomacy. Both your careful planning and slick nature have suited you will in rising to the top. Still, you are constantly harried and must of your time is devoted ... Read more

2001 AD - Movie Star

You are the ultimate of the modern day- an untouchable celebrity, somehow transcending the normal borders of reality. You've turned your money into more money, and your lovers into a vertiable entour... Read more

2000 AD - Porn Star

You're either Ron Jeremy or Jenna Jameson. You're cool, you've made it as both a celebrity and a motion picture actor. Plus you've had more sex in a seven year period than any three rabbits combined... Read more

1472 AD - Da Vinci

You were The Dude before Big Lebowski was The Dude. In female form, you would be Queen Elizabeth I. Grace, style, wisdom- the ultimate of class and function. Read more

Passed Expiration

You're something delicious that's gone bad. Like cream cheese left out in the sun for a few days. As your date is passed expiration, we cannot at this time effectively qualify your responses. Pleas... Read more