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The Living Monolith

All right so you are a pretty powerful guy, especially for one whose main nemesis was Havok. I mean c'mon, Havok. He is Luigi to Cyclop's Mario. At any rate you fell victim to the classic rookie villain mistake: accidently becoming a living planet.

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An orphan mall rat with "fireworks" powers isn't really the first person I'd call to help me stop the Hulk from destroying a city. Even though you are Chinese American, you know no Kung Fu. But, hey,... Read more


You kinda look like the Silver Surfer. But unlike the Surfer, most people can kick your ass. You'd be surprised how often powers like snowball throwing and cold resistance don't come in handy. But h... Read more


Ah Frank Dukes, former Circus performer, with the amazing power of... wait for it... immovability. Whoopee freaking doo. So basically you stand in front of the cooler villains, acting as a flabby huma... Read more


You can look normal. Hell, you can look like anything, but you don't always want to. You may not be ultra-powerful but between your shapeshifting powers and your ability to use a wide variety of weapo... Read more


So, nobody is going to mistake you for a human. And I'm not sure if you have any useful powers. And you are kind of a little punk. You have a nice career ahead of you as cannon fodder. Read more

Kitty Pride

Shadowcat, Ariel, Sprite, that Jewish Girl from Chicago, you go by a lot of names. Your phasing power makes you surprisingly useful, and you are a lot tougher that you look. Now, go drink a Tab or s... Read more


Ah, the lone wolf that just happens to be a member or former member of every Marvel team ever. Funny how that happens. I'm not sayin that you aren't a badass, but a healing factor and animal empathy d... Read more


Okay, so chicks dig you, but you are invariably funny looking. You have Anime hair and glowy eyes damnit! Glowy eyes why? You aren't too complex or interesting a cat, but you can produce a staff out o... Read more


Sadly every year you get a little sillier looking as you devolve from wrestler to blue gorilla to Vincent from "Beauty and the Beast". Like Vincent you quote Shakespeare and are a gentle soul. Also yo... Read more


Sadly, buddy, you look like a demon. You got a tail. It's prehensile, but still a turn-off to a lot of the norms. Plus you are missing a couple of fingers. And you have a total of four toes. But on t... Read more


I'm being generous here, because you should be less powerful and more funny looking. But hey, I've always been a sucker for bionic arms. You have some sort of powers, but they seem to be limited to li... Read more


You know how the Ninja turtles have Leonardo. You know how he pretends to be the leader even though Splinter is the real leader? You know how he wears blue and has a stick up his ass? You sir, are a... Read more


You are Marvel's first mutant. You are an Atlantean/humsn hybrid with mutant ankle wings that let you fly. You could kick Aquaman's ass no matter what Marvel vs. DC said. And I'm pretty sure that yo... Read more


Okay so you may be blue with giant metal wings, but it is all good. You know why? Because you have wing missiles! Wing Missiles! That is awesome all right. Plus you are the toughest guy ever named Wa... Read more


The bad news is, you are fat and hideous. The good news is, you have a bitchen chair that can crawl like a spider or fly! You can also hypnotize people, do all sort of mind control, dream control, wil... Read more


At any given time you can kick your boyfriend's ass. Hell you used to fight the Avengers all by yourself. You are nigh invulnerable, you can fly, you can absorb peoples super powers and memories! And... Read more


Controlling weather may not seem all that cool at first, but it is pretty dang impressive. You got the wind riding thing, lighting bolts, ice storms, tornadoes ll sorts of cool shit. Just because Ha... Read more


Okay so you armor up and you are super freaking strong, nigh invulnerable, shiny!, you don't need to eat drink or breathe, you get to throw wolverine at bad guys and make out with Kitty. Not too shabb... Read more

Mister Sinister

Okay, so you are a super powered super evil dude that has a strange goatee, wears a lot of black make up, creates Madelyne Pryor, messes with the Summers's memories and runs a mutant orphanage. I ju... Read more

The Living Monolith

All right so you are a pretty powerful guy, especially for one whose main nemesis was Havok. I mean c'mon, Havok. He is Luigi to Cyclop's Mario. At any rate you fell victim to the classic rookie vil... Read more


Life is good for Magneto. Snappy dresser. You can levitate. You never stay dead too long. You are uber-powerful. Hell you could know the Earth off its axis if you wanted. Plus, an honest to god Actor ... Read more

Professor X

Ah, Charlie Xavier, founder of the X-men, sometimes wheelchair bound, but always the worlds most powerful telepath. He can wipe your mind clean, make you his puppet, and steal your alien girlfriend. ... Read more


Ah Mutant X, lil Kevin. You can control reality, cause insanity, possess humanity, all the way from Muir Island and only on PPV! ----End Don King Mode----- Read more


So you are funny looking. BUT you can also control your molecules and rearrange them. Plus you are immortal. And you can teleport. And sometimes you conquer the world. So no one will tell you that y... Read more


The Island That Walks Like a Man! Fast as it can. Walk like a man from yohoohooohooooo! But no seriously. You are some sort of mutant colony entity forged by early atomic testing. Basicaly you are su... Read more

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