Their result for The Which Sexual Calamity Are You Test ...

Premature ejaculation

Sting is very disappointed in you.

Look, all the hard selling in the world won't do you any good if you can't close the deal.  That was a business metaphor.

It doesn't do you any good to hit the ball deep into left field and then trip and fall on your face before you even get to first.  That was a sports metaphor.

There's no point in initiating sexual intercourse if you achieve orgasm and discharge your semen before you can even get your weenus in the cooter.  That was not a metaphor.

You're at around the midpoint of human carelessness.  While you probably don't take the large risks, you tend to forget about the little things sometimes.  You get caught up in the moment and before you know it the consequences are squirting out.

 

Calamities you missed out on, from least to worst:

 

  • Wrong Hole
  • Flaccid Cock
  • STD
  • Unwanted Pregnancy
  • Broken Penis

 

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • Carelessness Distribution

    They scored 14% on Carelessness, higher than 79% of your peers.

All possible test results

Wrong Hole

Oops.  Looks like you missed a little bit, buddy.  It's okay, it can get confusing down there. As far as calamities go, this is a pretty minor one, and fairly rectifiable. It seems ... Read more

Flaccid Cock

Don't worry.  Just relax.  We can try again a little later. This is just barely a calamity.  Everyone gets nervous and freezes up now and again.  It's not that big of a deal, and usually... Read more

Premature ejaculation

Look, all the ha... Read more

STD

Above Photo:  A previously care-free vagina now ravaged by venereal disease. Good one.  Way to turn a source of pleasure into a source of embarassment and shame.  You're a fairly careless... Read more

Unwanted Pregnancy

This isn't just a little simple careless mistake, like losing your wallet, or losing your cell phone, or losing your virginity to your gym coach in 6th grade.  This mistake has far-reaching conseq... Read more

Broken Penis

It's true.  You can totally break your ding dong.  You will hear a snapping noise and a fat lady singing.  The sn... Read more

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