The Mother Of Brian
Apperance: Life of Brian
Nasty woman in the middle.
The Leper Scene.
Leper I: A fish, sir?
Leper II: Alms for a leper!
Leper III: Alms for a leper!
Ex-leper: Alms for an ex-leper! Bloody donkey-owners, all the same, ain't they? Never have any change. Oh, here they... touch! Spare a talent for an old ex-leper!
Mother: Buzz off!
Ex-leper: Spare a talent for an old ex-leper!
Mother: A talent? That's more than he earns in a month!
Ex-leper: Half a talent then?
Mother: No, get away!
Ex-leper: Come on Bignose, let's haggle!
Ex-leper: All right, cut the haggling, let's say you open at one shekel, I start at 2000, we close at about 1800.
Mother: Go away!
Mother: Look, will you leave him alone!
Ex-leper: All right. Two shekels, just two. Isn't this fun, eh?
Mother: Look, he is not giving you any money, so piss off!
Ex-leper: All right sir, my final offer, half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say ex-leper?
Ex-leper: That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind a bell and fradock, sir.
Brian: Oh...what happened?
Ex-leper: I was cured, sir.
Ex-leper: Yes, a bloody miracle, sir. God bless you!
Brian: Oh, who cured you?
Ex-leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden up he comes, cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute I'm alive and newsgone. Not so much as a bye or league! "You're cured, mate". Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Tough. Why don't you go and tell him that you want to be a leper again?
Ex-leper: Aah, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. Well, what the thing was I was going to ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something peckable but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass, to be blunt despute my French servant.
Mother: Brian! Come and clean your room out!
Brian: Here you are.
Ex-leper: Thank you, sir. Than...half a dinare for me bloody life story?
Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Ex-leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir!
Door being kicked in by mother:: [Bladonk]
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