Women In Beards



Apperance: Life of Brian

Agressive ancient bitches. :D

High Light:

The Stoning

(The Stoning Place. A Jewish OFFICIAL stands there, with some helpers, confronting the potential stonee, MATTHIAS. A large crowd watches. 90% are women in beards. Around the perimeter are a few Roman troops.)

Official: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath ...
Matthias: (to Official's Helper): Do I say "Yes"?
Official's Helper: Yes.
Matthias: Yes.
Official: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord and so as a blasphemer you are to be stoned to death.
Matthias: Look, I'd had a lovely supper and all I said to my wife was, "That piece
Official: Blasphemy! He's said it again.
Women: Yes, he did.
Official: Did you hear him?
Women: Yes we did. Really.
Official: (suspiciously) Are there any women here today?

(The women all shake their heads. The Official faces Matthias again.)

Official: Very well, by virtue of the authority vested in me ...

(One of the women throws a stone and it hits Matthias on the knee.)

Matthias: Ow. Lay off. We haven't started yet.
Official: (turning around) Come on, who threw that?

(Silence.)

Official: Who threw that stone? Come on.
Women: (pointing to the culprit, keeping their voices as low in pitch as they can)
She did.
*He did.*
He. Him.
Culprit: (very deep voice) Sorry, I thought we'd started.
Official: Go to the back.
Culprit: Oh dear.

(disappointedly goes to back)

Official: There's always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? ...
Matthias: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah!"

(Sensation!!!! The women gasp.)

Women: (high voices) He said it again.
(low voices) He said it again.
Official: (to Matthias) You're only making it worse for yourself.
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.

(Great Sensation!!!!!!)

Official: I'm warning you. If you say "Jehovah" once more ...

(He gasps at his error and claps his hand over his mouth. A stone hits him on the side of the head. He reacts.)

Official: Right! Who threw that?
Women: (high voices)
It was her.
It was *him*.
(low voices)
It was him.
Official: Was it you?
Culprit: Yes.
Official: All right.
Culprit: Well, you did say "Jehovah."

(The women all shriek and throw stones at her from very close range. She falls to the ground stunned. Quick cut of Romans reacting. They shake their heads and mutter to each other.)

Official: Stop that. Stop it, will you stop that. Now look, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. *Even*...and I want to make this absolutely clear...*even* if they *do* say "Jehovah."

(There is a pause. Then all the women throw stones at the Official and he goes down in a heap. Five women carry a huge rock, run up and drop it on the Official. Everyone claps. The guards sadly shake their heads.)

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