Apperance: The Holy Grail.
High Light:The French Castle Scene
King Arthur and his knights of the round table, along with their servants,"ride" up to a castle. King Arthur's servant, Patsy, blows a horn.
An armor-clad face appears at the top of the rampart. It speaks in an outrageous French accent.
Soldier: 'Allo! 'Oo is it?
Arthur: It is I, King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
S: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
A: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
S: Well, I'll ask 'im, but I don't think 'e'll be very keen-- 'e's already got one, you see?
Lancelot: He says they've already *got* one!
A: (confused) Are you *sure* he's got one?
S: Oh yes, it's ver' naahs.
(to the other soldiers:) I told 'em we've already *got* one! (they snicker)
A: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have a look?
S: Of course not! You are English types.
A: Well, what are you then?
S: (Indignant) Ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous accent, you silly king?!
Galahad: What are you doing in *England*?
S: Mind your own business!
A: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
S: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"! You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!
(the soldier proceeds to bang on his helmet with his hands and stick out his tongue at the knights, making strange noises.)
Galahad: What a strange person.
A: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
S: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
A: Now this is your last chance! I've been more than reasonable....
S: (to four other soldiers, standing behind him on the rampart) Fetchez la vache.
Other Soldier: qua?
S: Fetchez la vache!
(the other soldiers are seen leading a cow... mooing noises)
A: (continued) ...if you do not agree to my commands, than I shall--
(Boing! The cow goes flying through the air over the rampart...
A: Jesus Christ!
(...and lands, amid great mooing, on one of the footmen. Various crying-outs from Arthur's party.)
A: (determined) Right!
(drawing sword) CHARGE!
Rest of Arthur's Party: CHAAAARGE!
(As they run towards the French Castle, swords drawn, they are met by a huge onslaught of live animals of all sizes, that come plummeting down from the ramparts of the castle. Amid screams, they all turn back before even reaching the castle walls, save Launcelot, who reaches the stone wall in time to give it one stroke with his sword before retreating.)
French Soldier: (throwing down a goose) Hey, this one is for your mother! (and a duck) And this one's for your gran!
Arthur's party: (hastily retreating) Run away! RUN AWAAAAY!
Launcelot: (as they hunker down behind a grassy knoll out of flying-animal's reach of the castle) Fiends, I'll tear them apart!
Arthur: No no, no!!
Bedevere: (to Arthur) Sir... I have a plan, sir.
There follows a long scene where the french soldier, stationed atop the rampart, surveys the surrounding countryside and sees nothing, but hears various sounds of construction (hammering, the felling of trees, chain saws being operated) from the woods. Eventually, amid a great squeaking of wooden wheels, a giant wooden rabbit is wheeled out of the forest by Arthur's group. They wheel it right up to the front gates of the French Castle and leave it there, returning to their concealed spot behind the knoll to watch.
A minute later, the castle gate opens and a french soldier peeks out. His head disappears and he can be heard speaking with the others.
Soldier: C'est un lapin, un lapin de bois.
2nd Soldier: Qua?
Three soliders' heads appear around the end of the door and disappear again.
Soldier: Un Cadeau!
2nd Soldier: What?
Soldier: A present!
2nd Soldier: Ah, un Cadeau!
Soldier: Allons-y, allons-y!
2nd Soldier: What?
Soldier: Let's go!
2nd Soldier: Ah!
The three French Soldiers creep out and wheel the rabbit into the castle, closing the gate behind them.
behind the knoll:
Arthur: (to Bedevere) What happens now?
Bedevere: Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by suprise. Not only by suprise, but totally unarmed!
Arthur: *Who* leaps out? Bedevere: (pointing to each knight as he names him) Uh... Launcelot, Galahad, and I.... uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and, uh....
Bedevere: (pause) Oh... um, look, if we built this large wooden Badger....
Arthur knocks him on the head.
Just then, the rabbit comes soaring over the castle wall. The party disbands amid great shouts of "Run away, run away!", but the rabbit lands on yet another helpless footman. Cries of distress.
More tests we think you'll like
Taken 2886 times.
Hi! And welcome to my Progressive Rock music Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine if this music appeals to your tastes and yo...
Taken 4768 times.
Hi! I'm in hopes of finding the right one for me on here, so this test, taken by you right now will tell me whether I should contact you or not.
Taken 9408 times.
Hi! And welcome to my (recently updated 10-29-09) 50 Question Match Perfection Test. This test was designed to test your ultimate compatibility wi...
Taken 4731 times.
The world is divided into leaders and sidekicks. You are no leader or you wouldn't be here taking tests, instead you'd be starting a war, like a good responsible leader should. So let's see which...
Taken 2610 times.
Hi! This is the first test I've written so please take it easy on me! Ever wondered if you go above and beyond when it comes to grooming? Perhaps you ...
Taken 33079 times.
This test is to show which kind of wife you are, or will be (if that is your thing). Remember to answer honestly, otherwise any future spouses out th...
Taken 10065 times.
How intelligent are you when it comes to hitting the clubs for an evening?
Taken 10464 times.
What science-fiction spaceship should you command?
Taken 2247 times.
Hya Visitor ! Welcome to my FrenchKissFullMouthPierro Test. Be ready for anything, life is short ... Intelligence, Humour, Kinkiness, Slavabilit...
Taken 34164 times.
Hi! And welcome to my dumbest Test. I'll be using no logic and little knowledge to determine something.
Connect your existing OkCupid account
Restore your account to continue
meeting new people.
Reset your password
We’ll email you a link to reset it.
An email is on its way to .
If you don’t see it, try checking
your Spam folder.