The How Animals Have Sex Test

Hey, super-freak! Even in the animal kingdom, where weird sex is the norm, the Paper Nautilus octopus takes it to a whole 'nother level. You're an odd combination of shyness and bizarre experimentation-- the wallflower who keeps a foot-long toy in his pocket, just in case he happens to be approached by someone who happens to be into that sort of thing. You like sex, but you prefer to keep the whole thing relatively anonymous and at arm's length. And what makes the octopus so freaky, you ask? Three words: DETACHABLE. SWIMMING. PENIS. When the male paper nautilus sees something he likes, his spermatophore-carrying arm will break off and swim of its own accord up into the female's mantle cavity. The male then skulks off and dies. (Of shame, most likely.) Let that be a lesson to you: never send a detachable swimming penis to do what you ought to be doing yourself.