The 'Are You Enlightened?' Test

All possible test results

Diseased Frog Semen

You are pathetic. The only thing I can think of is that you purposefully fucked this test up for God knows what reason. You're the lowest category. However, if you honestly got this score: YOU ARE EV... Read more

Vaginal Blood Fart

You are the leperesy on the clittoris of humanity. You are the 2nd to lowest category, and the lowest one that you could get to without trying to fuck up. You are hopeless, If you're suicidal, DON'T D... Read more

The Sharter

Sharting, as I'm sure you don't know, is the act of accidentally shitting when farting. This is a metaphor(if you even know what metaphor means) for your entire 'life', soul, & sexual prowess. If you ... Read more

Bob Saget

The one redeeming thing Bob Saget ever did was act in a movie called 'Half-Baked'. Other than that he was like you. Your only hope is divine intervention, but I wouldn't count on it. I would suggest y... Read more

The Christian Rapper

Listen to christian rap & try to imagine your whole life as christian rappening. It shouldn't be hard. You need to drop either the christianity or the rapping, It's probably not within you to stop bot... Read more

The Slitted 3rd Eye

You are the lowest category for the not completely pathetic. You have a tiny chance to start becoming enlightened. I would suggest letting go of the constant cycles of averageness that are annoying & ... Read more

The Amatuer Sufi

You are the exact middle category, so I have opted to call you the amatuer Sufi, because Sufi's are all about the middleground. You are a little more aware & enlightened than the masses. If you're an ... Read more

The Amatuer Buddhist

You are the lowest category of the high categories. You are probabhly discovering somethings, & curious about others. Your category name does not imply you should be buddhist, by the way, they are lam... Read more

The Psychic Hotline

You are a little enlightened. Not much, but a wittle. With luck, you may become the 1% of the 1% that gets even more enlightened. Listen to your heart, have kinky sex, & pray. It feels good to be on t... Read more

The Golden Dildo

You are fairly enlightened. You have been through much to get to where you are now, spiritually. Don't let the world squish you, because they should start trying soon. At any rate, most everyone doesn... Read more

The Etherial Wonder

You are quite enlightened. At times you even exceed your humble test-writer. Most advice I'd give you would be unnecessary. If you are an attractive female, though, I'd love to give you some 'private ... Read more

The Second Jesus

You are very enlightened, as you already should know. You inspire awe in those around you. The only thing that will fuck you up at this point is a will that isn't far-reaching enough. Your potential i... Read more

Quasi-Enlightened

If you arrived at this test result honestly, please message me. You are close to being able to (or already able to) travel through dimensions, change reality at will, change your form & soul, & commun... Read more