What Kind Of Celebrity Would You Be?
The Porn Star
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE PORN STAR.
Let's face it - pornography is not something you watch when you're after intricate, multi-layered narratives, thematic depth or personal resonance. The only feeling happening during porn has nothing to do with emotions. Since your tastes don't lean towards the critically-acclaimed stuff, we'd normally consider you for B-movies. However, your more-colourful-than-average sexual history suggests you might also be ready for a spot in the adult entertainment industry.
At the same time if you wanted to move above porn, you could. Try it for a while, then get a new agent and sign up on a hit TV show. After all, actors like Simon Rex did pornography before becoming successful actors (and in fact having that sort of scandalous background can be GREAT for publicity).
If, however, you decide to stick to, uh... sticking to it, your success will depend on two things. Firstly, how much publicity you're prepared to push for. While your publicity score is lower, something in the 30-50 range would help boost your star status. Secondly, keep clean, as you appear to have done fairly well so far. The best in the biz do NOT let themselves disappear in a cloud of white powder. Your celebrity-alike could therefore be someone like Jenna Jameson or Matthew Rush. Porn's a big industry, though, and if neither of those suit you, you'll still find your niche!
To put it more simply, your work as a celebrity would have:
A high emphasis on sex
A low emphasis on drug consumption
A low level of publicity
A high degree of career credibility
Babe, you're great. You're a star. You should take one of my other tests, though...
The Shampoo Commercial Suitability Test
Sunbeams. Conditioner. Brand names. People flipping their hair for no apparent reason.
Money. Money. Money.
Coercion. Corporate blackmail. Sexual harassment. Lots of yelling
Fizz. Alcohol. Obscure liquids with funny colours.
Cults. Video games. Fisticuffs. Drunken brawls. Anger management seminars.
The Underwear Personality Test
Boxer briefs. Boylegs. Nighties. Corsets. Painful-looking chain-link contraptions.
Memory. Stress. Distraction by flashing colours.
Swear words. Dirty talk. Holy names. Insults. More swear words.
The Internet/SMS Literacy Test
The Excessive Cuteness Tolerance Test
Babies. Puppies. Kittens. Purple dinosaurs. Cartoon characters with blue hair and disturbingly large eyes.
The Non-Sequitur Personality Test
Gravel. Raspberries. Guatemala. Fingernail clippings. Twister. Butt cheeks.
All possible test results
The Production Assistant
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as The Production Assistant. Looking at your result... Read more
The Respected Filmmaker
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE RESPECTED FILMMAKER. The tough thing about your position in the dog-eat-dog world o... Read more
The B-Lister
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE B-LISTER. You'd basically be the person who frequently gets photographed in the lif... Read more
The Oscar Nominee
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE OSCAR NOMINEE. But will the sentence, "and the Oscar goes to..." finish with your n... Read more
The Junkie
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE JUNKIE. Oh, dear. So many addictions, so few to make the front cover. Your test res... Read more
The Edgy Director
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE EDGY DIRECTOR. On the upside: you've got a taste for quality. Something in your tes... Read more
The Alcoholic
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE ALCOHOLIC. A public case of drunk and disorderly, that's you. Or, at least, that's ... Read more
The Gritty Actor
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE GRITTY ACTOR. Hit film. Rehab. Hit film. Rehab. Hit film. Drunken behaviour. This i... Read more
The Porn Star
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE PORN STAR. Let's face it - pornography is not something you watch when you're after... Read more
The Sex Symbol
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE SEX SYMBOL. Whether you use it or not in the industry, either your sexual past or y... Read more
The Plus-One
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE PLUS-ONE. You're going to be in the public eye, all right - but it's going to be ab... Read more
The Heartthrob
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE HEARTTHROB. In your case, it's all about three things. Firstly, picking good roles.... Read more
Therapist to the Stars
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as a THERAPIST TO THE STARS. You don't appear to be big on the public eye - either you're ... Read more
The Suffering Artist
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE SUFFERING ARTIST. That is, if you can call it suffering. As a celebrity, you'd prob... Read more
The Tabloid Trash
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE TABLOID TRASH. It's all about the sex, drinking and drugs in your case - but it's a... Read more
The Fallen Star
We've run you past our talent scouts and casting agents. Looks like you're getting a part as THE FALLEN STAR. Your taste in film, as per that last section of the test, indicate you... Read more
