You're unreal. There's something about you which words cannot describe- well, OK, they can, but not in a way that you seem at all plausible. You are completely unique, special, and, most of all, improbable. The chances of you being the way you are are about the same as the chances of your computer screen exploding right now. It could happen, but it would come as a big surprise.
A novel with you as a character wouldn't even make it past the publishers. It would be rejected immediately because nobody would ever believe you could exist. You and your life are the stuff that daytime talk shows are made of. If you ever want to publish the story of your own life, make sure it's an autobiography, because you're too damn weird for fiction.
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