Their result for The SpermotronEggmattic Baby Maker Test ...

FRIENDLY BIKER

We made a baby!

Our son will grow up to be a Friendly Biker! He won’t be very bright, but he’ll probably own his own bike shop. He’ll actually be quite successful, even though he’ll never really understand foreign policy and will probably vote Republican with out really being able to explain why. But deep down inside, he’ll be a good person. Help old ladies. Give the neighborhood kids rides on his bike. He definitely won’t go to college, but he’ll have a lot of money from the bike shop and live a pretty comfortable life up until he drives his Harley off a cliff by accident. You know, because he’s dumb. The reason he’s dumb is because of you. See, I’m smart, so for our kid to be dumb, you must be REALLY dumb, because apparently you have enough dumb genes to cancel out all of my smart genes. Good one, stupid.

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • Gender Distribution

    They scored 100% on Gender, higher than 75% of your peers.

  • Intelligence Distribution

    They scored 70% on Intelligence, higher than 83% of your peers.

  • Success Distribution

    They scored 52% on Success, higher than 28% of your peers.

  • Good-Evil Distribution

    They scored 82% on Good-Evil, higher than 59% of your peers.

All possible test results

SWITCHBLADE SISTER

Great. Now look what you did. You are really the bottom of the barrel, aren’t you? Stupid, unsuccessful, AND evil. Nice combo. Really, there’s not much for our daughter to do but to join a gang... Read more

TOWN WHORE

Our sweet innocent daughter isn’t really going to stay that way for long. Apparently, you aren’t so smart, and you’re probably a bit of a loser. So those genes don’t really add up to much. The ... Read more

ANN COULTER

Look what your crappy genes made!!! You made an Ann Coulter. This is all your fault. First of all, you single-handedly made our daughter EVIL. Then, all of your stupid genes counter-acted all of m... Read more

HIGH PRICED CALL GIR

Our daughter isn’t just some filthy truck stop hooker, she is going to be a HIGH PRICED CALL GIRL. She won’t be very smart (thanks to you and your stupid genes) but she’ll live a life of luxury. ... Read more

BLACK WIDOW

Our daughter isn’t going to be a very nice girl. She’ll be smart enough, but she’ll also be evil. And not willing to work hard at anything, so she’ll never be successful on her own. That’s why... Read more

CAT LADY

Uh-oh. We made a Cat Lady. You know. Those women who own 10 cats. No social life. No real friends. Definitely no love interest. Our daughter is going to be a Cat Lady. I passed on my intellige... Read more

ROGUE GOVERNMENT ASS

Look what our genes came up with. A rogue government assassin. You’re probably happy about this because it’s the evil inside of you that’s responsible for this. Our daughter is going to kill peo... Read more

SUPER BABY GIRL

We should totally make some babies. Our babies would RULE. Obviously you’re smart, and obviously you’ve got what it takes to make something of yourself, and obviously you’re a good person. Combi... Read more

INMATE

Well, I hope you’re happy. Your sperm or egg is pretty useless. I’m very smart, so if you were just run-of-the-mill dumb, our baby would have been average. But you must be super dumb. And lackin... Read more

TOWN DRUNK

Well, now you’ve done it. About the only thing going for our son is an innate sense of goodness. He’s dumb, he has no sense of hard work or motivation... pretty much the only thing he’ll be dedic... Read more

GEORGE W. BUSH

Great. Look what you’ve done. This is all your fault. You have enough evil in you for it to transfer to our son. Also, you’re not very bright, and you’ve cancelled out all of my smart genes. B... Read more

FRIENDLY BIKER

Our son will grow up to be a Friendly Biker! He won’t be very bright, but he’ll probably own his own bike shop. He’ll actually be quite successful, even though he’ll never really understand fore... Read more

SERIAL KILLER

Oh, well this is fucking great. Look what you’ve done. You made our son evil. Not just evil, but smart and evil, and a total loser. What else is he going to do but ritualistically kill people? T... Read more

MISUNDERSTOOD LONER

Our son will be a misunderstood loner. He’ll be smart, but he won’t do anything with his smarts. He’ll probably go to college and get a degree he’ll never use. He’s a good person, but he’s to... Read more

ANTI-CHRIST

Well, at least he’ll be famous. And he’ll eventually rule the world and all. Being the parents of the anti-christ must bring a few perks, right? The problem is when you take my superior DNA and y... Read more

SUPER BABY BOY

We should totally make some babies. Our babies would RULE. Obviously you’re smart, and obviously you’ve got what it takes to make something of yourself, and obviously you’re a good person. Combi... Read more

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