Their result for The Which DOORS song are you? Test ...

THE SOFT PARADE

11 shaman, 5 reveller, 10 exile, 12 nihilist and 0 other

"Successful hills are here to stay, everything must be this way ... gentle streets where people play, welcome to The Soft Parade"

...

You scored reasonably high in Shaman, Exile, and Nihilist. You didn't score particularly high in Reveller. Your song, as best as I can figure it out, is probably The Soft Parade.

This one's a little unusual. Both the music and the production are a lot different from the vast majority of Doors songs. It's not one of my personal favorites (nothing from The Soft Parade album is, it's their worst album overall) but still, I have to respect the sheer ambition of making it, because it's very complex. It's multi-sectional and quite diverse, starting with a solemn intro where Morrison recites a brief sermon, then a very melancholic and hopeless passage on strings and harpsichord (?), moving right into a fast-paced cheesy dance number type of thing, followed by a "happy" section so formulaic it sounds like background music in a school safety film, then a more ominous main passage telling us about The Soft Parade, concluding with a driving hard rock outro. So what is The Soft Parade about exactly? Fucked if I know. I mean yeah, it's interesting from a technical standpoint because it's so musically and lyrically diverse, but it's too "out there" for me to get a coherent picture of it. I won't judge it harshly for the cheesy, ultra-pedestrian parts, because I realize they're probably meant to be tongue-in-cheek.  But who knows? I still get the feeling this song and in fact the whole album was a product of Jim's frequent drinking binges. 1969 was probably his worst year for excessive drinking and his creative work from that year mirrors his mental disintegration at the time.

So what can I say about it? Well for one thing, it's full of Shamanistic qualities, because it's a "different" view of society told in lyrical metaphors and shifting musical landscapes, an attempt to pierce the banality and bullshit of everyday life and see some deeper truth. The deliberate irony of a "soft parade" suggests that things are not always as they seem, and hints at hypocrisy and deceit. I get a sense of futility from it, especially when Morrison chants "everything must be this way, everything must be this way." It also has Exile qualities to it when Morrison asks for "soft asylum" and warns us "The Man is at the door." And there's the usual Nihilistic reminder that life is pointless and Death is inevitable : "All our lives we sweat and save, building for a shallow grave."

 

A parade of any kind is a form of celebration, and celebrations suggest the Reveller variable, but the song itself is a far cry from "revelry" so I used it as the Shaman--Exile--Nihilist song. Scoring high on those three variables and low on Revelry is how you got it. Scoring this song would suggest your nature is a complex mix of different elements. The low score in Reveller implies that you are cynical towards life, or at least that you're a rather serious person. But what do I know? Go listen to The Soft Parade yourself, maybe you'll understand it better than I do. And if all else fails, we can whip the horse's eyes ...

...

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My other Doors test ...

okcupid.com/tests/the-doors-of-perception

...

My Beefheart "musical image" test (sorta like this test) ...

okcupid.com/tests/the-beefheart-whats-your-musical-image-quiz

...

My Alice Cooper test ...

okcupid.com/tests/an-old-school-alice-cooper-test

...

My classic rock test ...

okcupid.com/tests/rock-is-dead-long-live-rock

...

My luck & superstition test ...

okcupid.com/tests/the-its-friday-the-13th-test

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

MY SCORING SYSTEM ... OR A BRIEF EXPLANATION OF WHY ANY OF THIS SHOULD MAKE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER

 

I based this test around four of the crucial elements underlying much of The Doors' music, and also what I perceive to be four distinct facets of Jim Morrison's personality. It's not a perfect system but I think there's a certain logic to it that we can apply here (if you have a better way of doing it, be my guest). These four variables are as follows ...

 

>>> The Shaman is a spiritual guru, the American Indian's "medicine man" who enters into a trance-like state and enacts a ritual to bring his audience to enlightenment. This is an essential quality of songs like "Break On Through To The Other Side" or any Doors song where mystic knowledge is sought after.

 

>>> The Reveller is a hedonist that alters his consciousness through physical ecstasy -- sex, alcohol, drugs, and so on -- seeking the Palace of Wisdom through the Road of Excess. This is an essential quality of songs like "Light My Fire" or any Doors song about passion and youthful exhuberance.

 

>>> The Exile is an outcast that has been alienated by his fellow man, an outsider condemned to a lonely and misunderstood existence. This is an essential quality of songs like "People Are Strange" or any Doors song dealing with alienation and rejection.

 

>>> The Nihilist is an existential cynic that sees Death as the only real Truth. He or she lives life for the moment and objects to laws, tradition, religion, or any other form of social control ... life is too short to worry about other people's rules. The Nihilist is the proverbial Rebel Without A Cause. This is an essential quality of songs like "When The Music's Over" or any Doors song based on discontent and fatalism.

 

Most Doors songs contain varying degrees of these four principles, although some songs are very strongly inclined towards one of the four. I didn't include every Doors song ever made in this test, but I did try to include most of their best songs, at least insofar as I could fit them into the framework of my crude scoring system. It's far from perfect, but I think it works in a weird sort of way. Hopefully Morrison isn't rolling over in his grave right now. I mean assuming he's actually in there to begin with.

 

THE END is the exception to the four variables ... you cannot get this song by scoring high or low in any of these variables. You can only score THE END if you look beyond the four variables and see the true essence of The Doors. There's more to The Doors than "the image" of The Doors ... it's not just about a sex symbol in leather pants tripping on acid and saying the word "fuck" over and over. Forget the hype, just listen to the music. It's some of the most unique and innovative and mind-opening music you will ever experience.

Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

  • shaman Distribution

    They scored 11% on shaman, higher than 57% of your peers.

  • reveller Distribution

    They scored 5% on reveller, higher than 18% of your peers.

  • exile Distribution

    They scored 10% on exile, higher than 51% of your peers.

  • nihilist Distribution

    They scored 12% on nihilist, higher than 75% of your peers.

  • other Distribution

    They scored 0% on other, higher than 49% of your peers.

All possible test results

THE END

This is the end, beautiful friend. This is the end, my only friend ... the end  ...... Read more

THE END

The end of our elaborate plans, the end ... of everything that stands, the end ...  no safety or surprise, the end ... I'll never look into your eyes again. /... Read more

THE END

Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free?  Desperately in need of some stranger's hand in a desperate land. span style="colo... Read more

THE END

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain and all the children are insane, all the children are insane, waiting for the summer rain. s... Read more

THE END

There's danger on the edge of town ... ride the King's highway baby ... weird scenes inside the gold mine ... ride the highway west baby. ... Read more

THE END

Ride the snake, ride the snake, to the lake, the ancient lake baby. The snake he's long, seven miles ... ride the snake ... he's old, and his skin is cold. /sp... Read more

THE END

The west is the best, the west is the best, get here and we'll do the rest ... ... Read more

THE END

The killer awoke before dawn.  He put his boots on.  He took a face from the ancient gallery and he walked on down the hall.  He went into the room where his... Read more

BREAK ON THROUGH (TO THE OTHER SIDE)

"You know the day destroys the night ... night divides the day ... ... Read more

LIGHT MY FIRE

"The time to hesitate is through, no time to wallow in the mire ... try now we can only lose, and our love become a funeral pyre ... come on baby light my fire... Read more

PEOPLE ARE STRANGE

"People are strange when you're a stranger, faces look ugly when you're alone ... women seem wicked when you're unwanted, streets are uneven when you're down"/... Read more

WHEN THE MUSIC'S OVER

"The music is your special friend, dance on fire as it intends, music is your only friend ... until the end"  span style="font-size:x-s... Read more

RIDERS ON THE STORM

"Into this house we're born, into this world we're thrown ... like a dog without a bone, an actor out on loan ... riders on the storm" ... Read more

SOUL KITCHEN

"Let me sleep all night in your soul kitchen, warm my mind near your gentle stove ... turn me out and I'll wander baby, stumbling in the neon groves" /s... Read more

HELLO, I LOVE YOU

"Sidewalk crouches at her feet like a dog that begs for something sweet ... do you think you'll make her see you fool ... do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel... Read more

STRANGE DAYS

"Strange days have found us ... and through their strange hours, we linger alone"   You scored hi... Read more

FIVE TO ONE

"Your ballroom days are over baby, night is drawing near ... shadows of the evening crawl across the years ..."     span... Read more

THE CELEBRATION OF THE LIZARD

"Each house repeats a mold, windows rolled. A beast car locked in against morning, all now sleeping. Rugs silent, mirrors vacant. Dust blind under the beds of l... Read more

MOONLIGHT DRIVE

"Let's swim to the moon, let's climb through the tide, penetrate the evening that the city sleeps to hide ... let's swim out tonight love, it's our turn to try,... Read more

THE SOFT PARADE

"Successful hills are here to stay, everythi... Read more

L.A. WOMAN

"Are you a lucky little lady in the city of lights? Or just another lost angel ... city of night, city of night ..."   s... Read more

THE CRYSTAL SHIP

"Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss ... another flashing chance at bliss" span style="color:#f... Read more

THE SPY

"I'm a spy in the house of love, I know the dream that you're dreaming of ... I know the word that you long to hear, I know your deepest secret fear ... I know ... Read more

PEACE FROG

"Indians scattered on dawn's highway bleeding ... ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind"   span style="color:#0... Read more

ALABAMA SONG (WHISKEY BAR)

"Show me the way to the next whiskey bar, oh don't ask why, oh don't ask why ... for if we don't find the next whiskey bar, I tell you we must die, I tell you w... Read more

ROADHOUSE BLUES

"I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer, I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer, the future's uncertain and the end is always near."/str... Read more

END OF THE NIGHT

"Realms of bliss, realms of light, some are born to sweet delight, some are born to sweet delight, some are born to the e... Read more

GO INSANE

"Once I had a little game ... I used to crawl back in my brain ... I think you know the game I mean... Read more

"YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING SLAVES !!!" -- Jim Morrison

Read more

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