The Rubber Ducky
Not only do you offer no promises, but when you actually decide to make yourself useful, you blow people away.
It's hard to imagine the kind of sick desperation that leads people in your direction. They're probably really old and can't be bothered to muster much energy of their own.
At your best, you're a massive radio built in the '70s...channeling the full brunt of household electricity when dropped into water...or accidentally tipped over by a fucking cat.
At your worst, you're some newfangled piece of shit from Target. You know...complete with safety triggers and all those other sissy safety gadgets.
My advice to you? Invest some time in computers. There's just got to be a way for you to do your job in the 21st century.
- - - - - -
Yeah, I've got you pretty well figured out by now.
You're into my style, so check out my fashion.
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