The Animal Test
Great Ape
Break out the Joseph-and-the-Amazing-Technicolor-Dreamcoat and the gold-plated toothpicks. It's time to flash. Your reputation precedes you. You are the one to be reckoned with. You seem to control it all. How do you do it?
If you're a guy, you know how to get a woman, keep her, and have her bring more women to you. If you don't already have a nickname, there's one coming.
If you're a girl, you've flipped the situation on your former pimp and taken all his women. You run things now. Congratulations! You're not going to have much company. The good news is that even the other pimps fear you.
Keep them bitches in line, and you be doin fine.
All possible test results
Tse-Tse Fly
In other words, The PEST Even your FRIENDS can't stand you. The slight impression you do manage to make is a bad one. But that's ok, because you only live for 72 hours. If you'... Read more
Vulture
In other words, The PARASITE You think you're being really clever when you mooch off of everyone else's work. EVERYONE ELSE thinks you're just a damn, dirty mooch. Seriously, stop being suc... Read more
Hyena
In other words, The DRUNK GIRL "D'y'wanna know what?" You're annoying. You're not cute. Get off of me, you're not cute. If you're a guy, you're a drunk-ass girl. You're convinced... Read more
Monkey
In other words, The TAG-ALONG Yeah, you're cute, but that's about it. You're probably the youngest child, right? You thrive on attention and there is no end to what you'll do for a reaction... Read more
Warthog
In other words, The LOVABLE LOSER The good news is, everyone pretty much likes you. The bad news is, that's all you get. You take comfort in the fact that despite your many, many failures, ... Read more
Hippo
In other words, The CUTE ONE Well, aren't you special? God has blessed you with adorable features and personality. Unfortunately, that's about it. If you're a guy, you're the one... Read more
Zebra
In other words, The PREP Congratulations! You're pretty. You're rich. You know it. If you're a guy, your flashy dress can attract a lot of women, but it also attracts competit... Read more
Condor
In other words, The SMOOTH TALKER "Come on, baby, why don't we fly on back to my nest?" The smooth talker strikes again. You're long, you're strong, and you're dyin' to get the friction on.... Read more
Elephant
In other words, The STRONG-AND-SILENT TYPE Some people think you're just full of yourself, but you know that actions speak louder than words. In your circle of friends, you're well-liked. O... Read more
Crocodile
In other words, The BAD BOY As the requisite bad boy/girl, you either ride a motorcycle, have at least one obscene tattoo, smoke too much, drink too much, or all of the above. Luckily for you... Read more
Great Ape
In other words, The PIMP Break out the Joseph-and-the-Amazing-Technicolor-Dreamcoat and the gold-plated toothpicks. It's time to flash. Your reputation precedes you. You are the one to be ... Read more
Lion
In other words, The PLAYER They don't call you King of the Jungle for nothing. You're at the top of your game, and you can't remember a time when you weren't. If you're a guy, you... Read more
