Warthog

In other words, The LOVABLE LOSER

The good news is, everyone pretty much likes you. The bad news is, that's all you get. You take comfort in the fact that despite your many, many failures, you have a circle of friends. Well, make that "circle of acquaintances".

If you're a guy, you're the nice guy. You have many female friends, but no girlfriend. I know you're totally convinced that one of these friendships might lead to something, but they won't. No, never.

If you're a girl, you've probably been to band camp. You play the tuba, right? The reason so many guys talk to you is because they figure your lips can blow more than a shiny, brass instrument. Still, take comfort in the fact that all the girls at school refer to you as "such a sweetheart".

The best course of action is accept your fate as the eternal middleground. You do retain the option, however, to dye your hair and all your clothing black, and commit to being a "rebel".

All possible test results

Tse-Tse Fly

In other words, The PEST Even your FRIENDS can't stand you. The slight impression you do manage to make is a bad one. But that's ok, because you only live for 72 hours. If you'... Read more

Vulture

In other words, The PARASITE You think you're being really clever when you mooch off of everyone else's work. EVERYONE ELSE thinks you're just a damn, dirty mooch. Seriously, stop being suc... Read more

Hyena

In other words, The DRUNK GIRL "D'y'wanna know what?" You're annoying. You're not cute. Get off of me, you're not cute. If you're a guy, you're a drunk-ass girl. You're convinced... Read more

Monkey

In other words, The TAG-ALONG Yeah, you're cute, but that's about it. You're probably the youngest child, right? You thrive on attention and there is no end to what you'll do for a reaction... Read more

Warthog

In other words, The LOVABLE LOSER The good news is, everyone pretty much likes you. The bad news is, that's all you get. You take comfort in the fact that despite your many, many failures, ... Read more

Hippo

In other words, The CUTE ONE Well, aren't you special? God has blessed you with adorable features and personality. Unfortunately, that's about it. If you're a guy, you're the one... Read more

Zebra

In other words, The PREP Congratulations! You're pretty. You're rich. You know it. If you're a guy, your flashy dress can attract a lot of women, but it also attracts competit... Read more

Condor

In other words, The SMOOTH TALKER "Come on, baby, why don't we fly on back to my nest?" The smooth talker strikes again. You're long, you're strong, and you're dyin' to get the friction on.... Read more

Elephant

In other words, The STRONG-AND-SILENT TYPE Some people think you're just full of yourself, but you know that actions speak louder than words. In your circle of friends, you're well-liked. O... Read more

Crocodile

In other words, The BAD BOY As the requisite bad boy/girl, you either ride a motorcycle, have at least one obscene tattoo, smoke too much, drink too much, or all of the above. Luckily for you... Read more

Great Ape

In other words, The PIMP Break out the Joseph-and-the-Amazing-Technicolor-Dreamcoat and the gold-plated toothpicks. It's time to flash. Your reputation precedes you. You are the one to be ... Read more

Lion

In other words, The PLAYER They don't call you King of the Jungle for nothing. You're at the top of your game, and you can't remember a time when you weren't. If you're a guy, you... Read more

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