The Manner Of Death Test

All possible test results

old and hated

Yes, you will die old and hated. Likely at some point you have encountered a version of the Dickens classic "A Christmas Carol." Well, picture Ebeneezer Scrooge had he told the three spirits of Christ... Read more

hit by an anvil

Yes, you will be killed by a falling anvil. You see, the universe has it in for you due to your ignoble existence. The problem is that you don't put yourself in harm's way frequently and you're not pa... Read more

from old age

Yes, you'll die of old age. You know the stereotypical scene. You'll be lying on your death bed, surrounded by your family members looking at you with a mix of love and "ok, get on with dying already"... Read more

old and crazy

Yep, you will die old and crazy. You know the creepy guys that kids are afraid to have their frisbees land in their yards? Or the old ladies with a hundred cats? That's going to be you! And locked awa... Read more

old and loved

Yes, you'll die of old age, but you'll be loved by many. You know the stereotypical scene. You'll be lying on your death bed, surrounded by your family members looking at you with a mix of love and ad... Read more

never!

Wow! You are never going to die! You see, you are hale and hearty, you never put your life in needless peril, but you're always there for your fellow human beings (hedging your bets in case a higher p... Read more

poisoned

Yes, you die by being poisoned. You likely have many enemies, you see, and I'm sorry if I am the first to tell you this, but it's true, and they are all eager to be the first in line to poison you. It... Read more

from blood loss

Yeah....you're going to die of blood loss. Honestly, there's a lot of ways this could go, but more or less this is going to be the cause of death. On the one hand, you're just crazy enough to have att... Read more

from a disease

Yes, you're going to die from a disease. And it's your own fault. Though you don't take unnecessary risks and you aren't inordinately insane, you also haven't done an exceptional job of taking care of... Read more

a gibbering hobo

Ok, ok. So saying you will die a gibbering hobo is a bit of a cheat. I did say "how you would die" and not "what you would be when you died". Still, does it really matter how you die? You're going to ... Read more

too soon

You're going to die too soon. Frankly, we need more people like you in this world. You're a credit to the human race for the most part, but you need to work on your health. That's going to cost the re... Read more

dressed as Santa

Yeah...you're going to die dressed up as Santa, you crazy old do-gooder. You'll be running around, randomly lobbing toys at children on Christmas day in the local orphanage, and then all of a sudden, ... Read more

shot by the police

Yes, you'll be shot by the police. Your villainous ways will finally catch up with you, seeing as you put yourself in harm's way time and time again. You'll be pulling a daring simultaneous three ... Read more

starting Armageddon

Yes, you are going to die while starting Armageddon. You see, you are what we call "the Beast" and you have a number that makes most people shudder, or it should, dangit. At any rate, you're inten... Read more

in a sports mishap

Yes, you will die in a sports mishap. Specifically, you'll be attempting the very dangerous combination sky-dive/bungee-jump. But then you'll realize that you forgot to remove your skiis from your fee... Read more

when THEY get you!

Whoa! Looks like THEY are out to get you! And you will die when they get you. And who knows how they'll do it. Maybe they'll shoot you with a rocket launcher from a building across the street. Maybe t... Read more

sacrificing yourself

Yes, you will die sacrificing yourself. You are a particularly noble human being and not unwilling to put your life on the line. One of these days though, that self-sacrificing impulse will catch up w... Read more

saving the world

Wow, you are going to die saving the world! Or at least in your crazy head that's what you think you'll be doing. But you're a good-hearted person and willing to put your life on the line for the good... Read more

eaten by bears

Yep, you'll die eaten by bears. You just look so tasty to them and you aren't really able to escape them with your questionable health. It's not their fault you wandered into their forest. Besides, th... Read more

eaten by squirrels

Yep, you'll die eaten by some squirrels. You just look so tasty to them and you aren't really able to escape them with your questionable health. It's not their fault you wandered into their forest. Be... Read more

from a heart attack

Yes, you are setting yourself up to die from a heart attack. You put too much strain on yourself and you don't take care of yourself nearly well enough. Fortunately, changing one of these habits might... Read more

when you explode

Yes, you are a ticking time bomb, and one of these days your head is just going to explode! You put too much stress on yourself and you don't treat your body nearly well enough, but more than either o... Read more

suddenly

Yes, you will die suddenly. Your live-fast-die-young lifestyle is going to pay off well, and since you're not such a bad person, the universe will likely find a way to despose of you with a snap of it... Read more

while hallucinating

Well, you are going to die, but you're not going to realize it. More to the point, you will die hallucinating. You see, you push yourself to such limits that your body and mind simply cannot take it a... Read more