"Roxanne"

You are Sting's "Roxanne." While you definitely have what could be termed a "loose moral compass," to be fair, that might be because you're lost and adrift in a cold lonely world. Or you're a big fat whore. One of those things is true. But regardless, you should look seriously at some life changes. Sting wants you to know that you do not HAVE to sell your body to the night, although if that floats your boat I don't suppose he can stop you. Keep rocking that red dress, though. Even Sting can't take that away.

All possible test results

"Eleanor Rigby"

You are The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby." This does not bode well for your future, since it means you are sad, pathetic and lonely. You have no friends. You may or may not be obsessively religious. Yo... Read more

"Roxanne"

You are Sting's "Roxanne." While you definitely have what could be termed a "loose moral compass," to be fair, that might be because you're lost and adrift in a cold lonely world. Or you're a big f... Read more

"Jane"

You are the Barenaked Ladies' "Jane." You're sweet and adorable, probably fairly shy, I'm getting a strong visual image of you like working in a bakery or florist or something where customers are enc... Read more

"Julia"

Congratulations! You are the Beatles' "Julia," which means you are the idealized object of someone's wistful, starry-eyed adoration. Or, if you aren't now, you will be. You have "seashell eyes" and... Read more

"Suzanne"

You are Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne." You are the girl everyone wants to be. Number one, Mr. Cohen refers over and over to your "perfect body," so that should make you feel good, right? You're also w... Read more

"Barbara Ann"

You are the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann." You are peppy, sunshiney, probably blonde, with colorful country-club-esque clothes and a secret love for big ol' Chevys. You're used to being the prettiest gi... Read more

"Layla"

You are Eric Clapton's "Layla." And while you're obviously a stone cold fox or Eric Clapton wouldn't be begging on his knees, that's no excuse for your foolish pride. You got burned once and now you... Read more

"Maggie May"

You are Rod Stewart's "Maggie May." Smoking hot but totally manipulative, you like to date younger people who look up to you adoringly and think everything you say is brilliant. This is not, in itse... Read more

"Billie Jean"

You are Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean." Girl, he ain't your baby's daddy. It says so right in the song. Will you just give it up already? Michael Jackson thinks you're crazy, and when MICHAEL FRE... Read more

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