Their result for The What's Your Major Malfunction (in Bed) Test ...
35% Climax, 70% Carnality, 81% Control, 19% Caution
"Featherstone, could you see yourself kneeling behind me with a sawfish and thrusting it into my rectum yelling 'WHO'S THE MAN, WHO'S THE MAN'? Because that's currently the only way I can achieve even a glimmer of sexual satisfaction." –Herr Starr, Preacher
Dear, dear, dear. It certainly isn't easy being Herr Starr. Eros seems to enjoy coming by and taking you down a peg every so often. He gifted you with great sexual sophistication, but left you without a good outlet for your desires. Ah, shit. Guess there's only one thing to do: assassinate your boss, amass an army and start a world takeover.
But WAIT! We're going on the strength of the many-fish principle, remember? Besides, that sawfish was hyperbole; unlike Starr in the Preacher series, you have working equipment between your legs. No, in reality the main problem tends to be that you've become a little reliant on your hands and your tools (and perhaps on your porn?), making you a difficult person to satisfy.
You've brought your mighty intellect to bear on this problem, displacing some of your libido onto the mental aspects of sex. You probably enjoy holding your partner down, causing discomfort, maybe talking some trash. Carnal and submissive types, including The Steed and The Evil Genius, often get a real kick out of this. Just try not to lose sight entirely of the fact that others may find you scary as shit domineering.
Their Analysis (Vertical line = Average)
They scored 35% on Climax, higher than 7% of your peers.
They scored 70% on Carnality, higher than 62% of your peers.
They scored 81% on Control, higher than 93% of your peers.
They scored 19% on Caution, higher than 1% of your peers.
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