The Evil Minion Test

All possible test results

Heroic Fool

You are not even fit to be the least of my lackeys. Your disloyalty lack of ill intent are mitigated only by the fact that you are incompetent and unlikely to succeed in your efforts to thwart me. N... Read more

Spineless Nincompoop

You are capable of the type of evil I need, but you are insufficiently competent to be of much use, and your lack of loyalty disturbs me greatly. Your services are not required. Read more

Violent Sociopath

You are evil, but disloyal and not terribly competent. I might have use for you as a disposable pawn, but I do not see long-term potential in you. Read more

Potential Nemesis

You embody that most dangerous mix of competence and unwillingness to comply with my demands. Add to this your lack of ill intent, and I find myself uncomfortable with the thought of your continued e... Read more

Untrusted Minion

You are capable of a useful degree of evil, and your competence raises you above the level of routine lackey, but your tendency toward disloyalty will prevent you from rising far in the ranks. Still,... Read more

Likely Competitor

Competent? Check. Evil? Check. Loyal? Not even a little bit. You exhibit characteristics that remind me of myself, and that disturbs me greatly. I will not tolerate competition. Still, it may ... Read more

Menial Lackey

You are sufficiently loyal to be useful, but neither competent nor evil enough to be trusted with any of the truly important work. I'm sure I can find a place for you on the shop floor of one of my d... Read more

Useful Thug

Though you are sufficiently loyal and evil to be trusted for minor dirty work, yet your incompetence may bring the risk of discovery to our organization. You are best suited to contract work in the a... Read more

Contract Killer

You are close to being an ideal minion, but your lack of competence means that I can never allow someone like you to attain a position of such importance in my organization. While I have use for such... Read more

Lesser Minion

Anyone with your level of competence and loyalty can be valuable in my organization. Sadly, your tendency to avoid evil will doom you never to rise above middle management. Read more

Minion

Loyal enough to be trusted, competent enough to be useful, and evil enough to do what's needed, you are an ideal mix to be my minion. Send your resume to my secretary, and we will be happy to find a ... Read more

Evil Minion

Loyal enough to be trusted, and competent enough to be useful, but with more than the usual level of evil intentions, you are nonetheless a good mix to be my evil minion. I have concerns that your ev... Read more

Trusting Pawn

Your loyalty to me is admirable, but unaided by competence or a willingness to do what is necessary, it is not sufficient to win you a position in my organization. I may have room for you as a patsy ... Read more

Nincompoop

Loyal to a fault, and willing to do what's necessary, you are nonetheless doomed by your incompetence to be nothing but a nuisance until your repeated failures lead to your demise at my hands. I woul... Read more

Evil Nincompoop

Your loyalty is almost useless to me, because you like doing evil too much, and are not actually very good at being evil. However, it seems likely that I can trust you to remain quiet when you... Read more

Office Worker

Loyal and competent, but not willing to do my evil bidding, you seem well suited to a position at one of my "legitimate" companies. Apply for a job at any large corporation you like. The odds are go... Read more

Trustworthy Henchman

You are my ideal henchman (or henchwoman, if you prefer, but I believe the term is more gender-neutral, like "chairman"). You are highly loyal, highly competent, and evil enough to do what I need wit... Read more

Dangerous Henchman

You are loyal, competent, and truly evil. Definitely my type, but I worry that one day your unrestrained evil may lead you astray and get me into trouble. I shall have to keep close tabs on you in o... Read more