The Star! (MV)
You are the SPECTRAL CLASS M MAIN SEQUENCE STAR. That's right! You're a star! And no, you're not unstable or a dwarf star or anything else ego-shattering like that-- you're in the main sequence!
Unfortunately, 90% of all the stars in the galaxy are MV stars. Their planets are probably either gas giants or tidally locked. Hence, there's little chance of life, or even a good spot to put a colony. But come the day we go into space, some poor bastard is going to have to check every single one, just on the off chance...
This explains why you get dates with beautiful, exciting people... who never call back. They're the ones checking. (If they ever get together and compare notes, your phone will never ring again.)
SEEK: rare minerals. With the right silver and gold jewelry, there's a chance one of the beautiful people will crash-land on your soul and have to learn to love you. AVOID: black holes.
Links to all the VPI categories: Curious Bloodstain, Cuckoo's Nestmate, Meaningless Advice, Second From the Left, Quiet Horror, Naked Mole Rat, Iceberg Hidden in the Fog, Incomplete Tarot Deck, Dead Houseplant, Mistuned TV, Burned Out, Zombie Flamingo, Nurse Shark, Paper Cup, Lamprey, Pyroclastic Flow, Cassandra, Sphinx, Futility, Coleocanth, The Star! (MV), Swamp Island, PANIC!!1!, Lone Freeway Shoe, Bad Tattoo, Unnecessary Heimlich Maneuver, Illegible Warning.
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