The Shape Test

All possible test results

The Inward Spiral

You’re a fucking mess. The biggest mess possible. Like, tangled bird’s nest, fishing line and barbwire on fire kind of mess. My god, how did you even make it this far in life? You’re comp... Read more

The Chaos Polygon

Wow. You’re fucking crazy. In fact, you’re so crazy I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find you’ve spent some time in a mental institution. And by “spent some time,” I mean you’ve b... Read more

The Oblique Star

Hello Nelly! You’ve got inspiration enough to light up an entire city…but your energy is incompatible with the circuits so you cause a blackout instead. You’re both extreme AND lop-sided; a po... Read more

The Concave Polygon

Hey psycho, fucking relax. It’s not your fault. But seriously, you’re suffering an awful lot of pressure from the sides, and if you don’t let that energy out, you’re going to explode out... Read more

The Amorphous Blob

Why you dirty, lazy hippy. I hate you. Just kidding. It’s the smell I can’t stand. Seriously though, you have no direction and very little motivation in life. You’re cool with whatever c... Read more

The Upright Oval

This is all a matter of perspective, but you’re kinda boring, aren’t you. Sure, you’re a healthy-minded individual… solid direction…strong moral principles, but my god…please get some passio... Read more

The Solid Hexagon

Jesus fucking bananas, you’re about as exciting as moss dying in a forest full of old-growth trees. Yes, you’re solid and damn few people can fuck with you, but please try something new every ... Read more

The Square

Much like a square, the sum of your personality is equal to 360 degrees of fucking boring. Your desire is average, your mental stability is normal and your moral compass is always pointing in the ... Read more

The Rectangle

Hey condom-breath! You only live once. Take a chance for Christ’s sake. Just kidding. You’re actually not that boring. You’re solid and strong. You can’t be pushed around or knocked over ... Read more

The Parallelogram

Now things are starting to get interesting…if only you’d hit the tequila more often than the white zinfandel. Think of yourself as a rectangle with some sharp edges; you’ve got a good amount of... Read more

Equilateral Triangle

Finally; someone with a few good spikes to their otherwise insipid personality. You’re pretty normal, pretty healthy-minded, but when someone pisses you off, you’ve actually got enough scrote to... Read more

The Scalene Triangle

That’s right psycho; you’re sharp as fuck and cutting your way to awesome heights. You’ve got great ambition. Your interests are intense, though sometimes a bit twisted, and you know how to pa... Read more

Isosceles Triangle

Oh yes. Regardless of gender, you’re like a giant cock…fucking it’s way to the stars. You’ve got serious ambition and it will, or already has, brought you some awesome shit. Fame? Fortune? ... Read more

The Ascending Ray

Jesus, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you know other people have feelings too? Emotions to consider? You’d do well to learn even a little something about mercy, because you’re like an unstoppable... Read more

The Star

Congratulations; you’ve already made it. Now I’m going to kick you in the pee-machine out of pure jealousy. Your personality is virtually perfect in balance, ambition, morality and rationali... Read more

The Perfect Circle

Oh yes, you are the greatest geometric shape of them all. You are perfection. You are the next Messiah. The next Buddha. You are in flawless balance. You may have done some terrible things ... Read more