Squirty McJizzmop

Well well, you are quite the masturbator, sir! Goodness knows, somehow you have managed to out-jerk even the squirmiest of onanists! Thank goodness you have masturbation for an outlet -- lord knows without it, you would be out lopping the heads of Vietnamese children or muling dope up from Tijuana. Sir, I'd like to shake your hand, but on second thought--!

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Squirty McJizzmop

Well well, you are quite the masturbator, sir! Goodness knows, somehow you have managed to out-jerk even the squirmiest of onanists! Thank goodness you have masturbation for an outlet -- lord knows ... Read more

American Masturbator

For some poor fools, masturbation is yet another hobby, another way to fritter away the lonely hours between Columbo reruns, little more than a passing fancy. -- But not you! You, sir, have attained ... Read more

Pogo Stick

Great job, young squire, you're well on your way to true masturbatory glory. The bad news is you probably have something distracting you from your goal -- a girlfriend, a job, whatever. The good new... Read more

Jerklet

While you may be more experienced than the average masturbator, there's no denying that you don't really have your heart set on this whole beating-off project. Did you really have to renew your subsc... Read more

Child

You are the most pathetic masturbator I have ever seen. Please stop supporting the Girls Gone Wild franchise. Read more

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