The Whom You Will Meet in the Next World and How They'll Feel About Seeing You Test

Kokpelli... start fertilizing daughters

Very cool.  You get the old school, pimpin' trickster fertility god Kokopelli.  You don't really think that thing started as a flute, do you?

 

Wild, free, plowing fields and babes, Kokopelli climbed all the purple mountains long before the puritans fucked it all up.  Think of this afterlife as the longest hippy tent festival of all time.  You get to wander nature, smoke some grass, have some free love, hug trees, lie out in the fields, and just generally roam with the buffalo.

 

If I had the choice, this is where I'd be, and I honestly think Jimi Hendrix will be here too.

All possible test results

Pan... welcome to the jungle

BOOyah.  Come on in, babe, cause all the water turns to wine here.   You are front and center in the best party in the afterlife.  Nymphs and studs and wine and leather abound in a... Read more

Nobody... because you are an atheist

Relaxed, comfortable in your existential dread, feeling moderately bad about the meaningless suffering in the world, and trying to live a decent life surrounded by these insane zealots, you are an ... Read more

Nobody... because you are enlightened

Welcome to Nirvana.    You really don't worry about all this stuff.  You're done with the great wheel of life, and you've dispensed with the illusions of pain and reward.  Interes... Read more

Kokopelli... start fertilizing lawns

Well, you feel the great spirit, and understand the Earth.  Nice!   But you're a little standoffish.  So Kokopelli understands, but this is not the pimp god Kokopelli; this is the ... Read more

Kokpelli... start fertilizing daughters

Very cool.  You get the old school, pimpin' trickster fertility god Kokopelli.  You don't really think that thing started as a flute, do you?   Wild, free, plowing fields and babes... Read more

Kali... and she likes you

Two words: close shave.   You're good so far.  You hold your tongue at the right moments, which is good, because the minute you don't, this ultimate femme fatale is going to cut it ... Read more

Kali... sucks to be you

You know that thing I said about nobody laying down vengeance like Jehovah?    I was hasty.  Here's a quote:   Can mercy be found in the heart of her who was bor... Read more

Your Ancestors... and you owe them money

Well, you meant to honor your ancestors, and you kind of went through the motions, but you just kept forgetting to put some flowers on mother's grave, or pour a little whiskey on thr ground for old... Read more

Odin... and he brought beer

Not too shabby.  Your ridiculous lifestyle got you in with the viking lord of wisdom, and the longest running bar brawl of all time.  Welcome to Valhalla; fight by day, drink by night, slay, slay... Read more

Odin... and you gonna get it

Well, you were supposed to be in the war party in Asgard, but your heart wasn't in it.  So you're the Norse gods' bitch.  You were like the priest on the back of the boat that sent men to their d... Read more

God of Abraham... and he is pissed

Oops... this one sucks.   You were pious, righteous, all about the word of God.  But remember that thing with your cousin?  WRONG.  You gotta read the damn bible before you thump ... Read more

Your Ancestors... and they missed you!

Congrats!  Your views, shame, and restraint place you firmly in the Japanese tradition of having to answer to your dead relatives.  The good news is you were a good kid.  You paid the proper respec... Read more

Gaia... you are a worm

Oops.  You wanted to love the Earth.  You said you would save the rainforests and the whales and tibet.  But, y'know, actually, you just smoked a lot of pot.   Seriously, y'know, ... Read more

God of Abraham... and he gives you a harp

Whoa... like, nobody makes this guy happy, but you did it.  Congrats!  You're the perfect Catholic, yet you're not going to Hell.  You spread the word of God, you feel the Holy Spirit, you know ... Read more

Gaia... you are a tree

Okay, so Gaia's kind of a concept, kind of a god/goddess, whatever.  We'll say it's a chick, and say she just loooooves you because you're a flaming hippy.    You righteously defen... Read more

Pan... and you are serving the drinks

You're pretty chilled out, not too concerned with the great hereafter, not obsessed with your actions or guilty about your mistakes, so Pan took you up to the great wine tasting in the sky. ... Read more

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