The What Was Your FORMER LIFETIME? Test

All possible test results

Disfigured Parasite!

You were the worst thing possible in your previous life. I don't exactly really want to think of what you are now. All cruelty aside though, you probably had a short life, and possible fed off of a gr... Read more

The Huge Pile of Ass

I'm sorry I even made this category, it's just such a horrible thing to have been! Oh well, at least you could maybe glean some happiness from not being a huge pile of ass in this lifetime (Unless, of... Read more

The Albino Lemming

OOOO! The mysterious evasive Albino Lemming! You are a rare soul, or I should say WERE a rare soul. You were the one Lemming that did not walk off the cliff. Your current life WILL NOT reflect that, h... Read more

The Concubine! YES!!

Well, you were a concubine in your past life, but I assure you, you were a VERY important person's concubine, like Cleopatra or Joan of Arc or President Taft or someone. Anyhow, if you think very deep... Read more

President Taft!! HA!

For a deeper description of your previous lifetime, read the picture. 1000 words, baby. 1000 WORDS. Read more

Some Random Czech Ho

Have you ever heard of a little place called CZECHOSLAVAKIA?!?!? Well guess what? you used to ho around there. Perhaps Uzbekistan as well... I would suggest going on a religious pilgramage to Czechosl... Read more

The Wimp from London

No offense to the wimpy Londoneer's, I'm sure there are thousands of them, but your past lifetime was sad. Really. You probably had nightmares about Jack thr Ripper & Edgar Allen Poe. Sad sad sad. May... Read more

Jesus's 2nd Daughter

If you're a die-hard christian or Cathoholic; you probably won't believe in yourself. But back to the subject of your past life, you were the second of 3 daughters the big 'J' had. That's right, you h... Read more

The Sexy Librarian!

OOOO! The Sexy Librarian! Ouch! Gotta love the Sexy Librarian! I imagine you were shy, wore glasses, & hopefully even had braces! Anyways, to change the subject from what everyone was clearly already ... Read more

The Inconsequential

Man goes into cage. Cage goes into water. Shark's in the water. Our shark. Salsa shark. duh-dunt....... dah-dunt........ dah-dunt......... SALSA SHARK. Moving on, you were inconsequential. Better that... Read more

The Flaming Pygmie

You were the only homosexual pygmie in all of unrecorded history. Honestly, that should make you feel special! Except when you think about how confusing it must have been for you when other tribes cal... Read more