The Ugly

This is self explanatory. As there must be balance in life, there must be yin and yang, light and dark, mom and dad, left and right, etc. And if the sex is so damn good you do not care that you are spitting and drooling and looking cross-eyed at your partner like a slimy pseudo Shrek impersonator exploding with glee, chances are, your partner is horrified. Hell you might even scare them into orgasm (see The Face of Fear category).

This look has destroyed many a relationship and marriage. And not because you're a bad lover. It's just...well it's goddamn freaky is what it is. Who likes to have sex with aliens? NO I'm talking Ridley Scott/H.R. Giger Aliens people! Hell, in my experience in face to face combat with "The Ugly", I was scared I was gonna get EATEN ALIVE and immediately started beating her with my shoe. I didn't mean to, it's just instinct of survival.

You're a good lover and a good listener. Use those attributes to your advantage to save yourself from any uneeded abuse, and thus ruining the love-making experience. Be courteous, and either:
a) Switch to a position facing AWAY from each other.
or
b) Bury your face in the nape of their neck, chest, breasts, whatever, etc.

Partners of "The Ugly" can do the same, or alternately, if their partner has long hair, they can wrap it around their eyes like a bandana and pray to god it ends quick.



View all the categories!


The Face of Fear

The Ugly

The Angry

The Blank

The Happy Dreamy

The "O"

All possible test results

The Face of Fear

If you were doing a porno, and the camera zoomed in and took a still photo of your orgasm face, they could just as easily use it to promote a horror film. NO NOT THAT YOU'RE UGLY (that's another categ... Read more

The Ugly

This is self explanatory. As there must be balance in life, there must be yin and yang, light and dark, mom and dad, left and right, etc. And if the sex is so damn good you do not care that you are ... Read more

The Angry

Ah...the passionate lay! You don't even have to be mad at your parnter! Some bitch called you a cunt at work? That asshole cut you off in traffic? Your girlfriend dumped you, but her fat sister th... Read more

Blank

You're the worst! You feel nothing. You say nothing. You DO NOTHING! You don't orgasm! You probably don't even attempt to fake it! Loving you is like loving the dead. Cold, stiff, and dry. At ... Read more

The Happy Dreamy

You enjoy sex. Just like you enjoy playing with small animals, or sunny days, or hugs. It's nice, pleasurable, maybe even relaxing, and there's no angst, aggression, or any hidden agenda in your love... Read more

The "O"

Also sometimes knows as the Hyperventillator, the "O" Face is probably the most common face we all make during orgasm. You just have worked your ass off to not only bring pleasure to your partner, bu... Read more

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