Jen and Alex

Passes with Glasses

He wrote me this message:

My word!
May 27, 2009 3:13pm
There are so many things we have in common that it surprises me (our love for many Jo(h)ns for example). Unfortunately, the only thing we don't have in common is living in the same state. But hey! We're not that far off. I think you seem really cool and we should chat more.

I have a hard time meeting people on here I think it's because I'm weird and tend to send the following first message:

"Do not be alarmed!

This message should not be repeated.

I am secretly an evil genius giant squid which scientists have connected to a computer. Because I am an genius, I used the power of my brilliant brain to connect that computer to the internet. And because I'm evil, I'm using my connection to absorb all of the information on your largest information source, Wikipedia, to make conquering your soil-based world a lot easier.

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm on okcupid and this is a fair question. After having failed the personality test on eHarmony, the sheer population of this website made it seem like the simple alternative. After having created my account by taking the identity of a poor schlup who thought I was a girl on an internet forum, I begun my search for a suitable mate. This where you come in.

So the question I pose to you is this: would you be willing to help an evil genius giant squid assimilate and possibly find what he is truly looking for (his heart)?

(I would also reserve all rights to release our relationship as a charming Romantic Comedy sometime in the future.)

Love,
Archibald G. Squid"


So what do you say? Wanna talk to me--Alex? I could stay in squid character if you prefer..."

And I was in love. We chatted on AIM a bit after that. In fact, we spent every night after that chatting through the computer. After a few days, the conversations switched from internet to telephone. Our sleep was constantly being pushed aside until we just couldn't stand it any longer.

At that time, he was living in northern Indiana, a four hour drive from my home just south of Cincinnati, Ohio. After a few weeks of talking, we decided to meet up in the middle. We both drove the two hour drive to Indianapolis on June 24th and hung out at a mall all day. Still, to this day, malls still remind me of our first date.

When the date was almost over, it was a very awkward time with both of us just sorta looking at each other. But, both of us were too embarrassed to kiss the other one and since we were in a public location, we didn't particularly want people noticing us. After staring at each other for about fifteen minutes, he finally went in for the kiss. Instead of our lips touching, our glasses crashed into each other.

On November 9th, a few months after trying out the long distance relationship thingie, Alex left his home and moved down here to be with me. He found a nice place, with reasonable rent, just a few blocks away from me and found a job within the first week of living here.

Tagged as: OkCupid Matches, Long Distance Love, and Blinded with Science.