• Hi! And welcome to my will your spouse/"significant other" beat you to a bloody, crying pulp Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine if you are a prime candidate for a domestic beat down. This test is meant for those already in a relationship, as well as those unfortunate souls that think they want to be in a relationship. While primarily aimed at women, men on rare occasions also find themselves having their rib cage stomped on a kitchen floor and as such are also invited to take the test. If you are homo, you should definately take the test.
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    First question, we will start out slow, not too personal... Are you Gay?

  • 2
    Do you own and know how to use a gun?

  • 3
    Does your spouse own and know how to use a gun? If not in a relationship, would you hook up with someone that does?

  • 4
    Are you or have you trained in any of the martial arts?

  • 5
    Is your spouse/other bigger, stronger, and just plain old physically superior to you? If you are not in a relationship answer based on your personal tastes.

  • 6
    Is your spouse an alcoholic that always ends up apologizing for shit they don't remember doing the next day? Again, if you are not in a relationship... You know what? Just assume all of that shit from here on out. If you are too stupid to figure that one out by now just go ahead and figure that you deserve to be hit by people you love and quit the test now.

  • 7
    Is your spouse/other prone to physical violence?

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    Now for some scenario based questions... Your old man/lady had a bad day at work and returns home five hours late from work, is shit faced, and never called to let you know they would be home late. To make things worse, you made a nice dinner for them that was ruined by their inconsideration. Your immediate response is too...

  • 9
    Your old man/lady comes home late a little liquored up...again. They seem to be in a good enough mood, so you are about to give them a free pass when you notice they have some other bitches lip stick on their collar. You....

  • 10
    You prepare a meal for your other half, and are quite proud of your accomplishment. When you serve it to them, they violently spit it out and throw the plate at you acuseing you of trying to poison them. What should you do at this point...

  • 11
    You have recently ended a relationship with a guy that hit you repeatedly (don't worry, this is hypothetical, and no assumption will be made based on your answer here as to if you have already been in a violent relationship. Just answer the fuckin' question before you get a smack down!!!). You are seeing a shrink to help you deal with the psychological trauma he inflicted upon you. On your way home he runs you off the road with the beat up old pickup truck your dad gave to him before he died. He drags you into the truck, beats you until your eyes swell shut, kidnaps and rapes you repeatedly. Somehow, you manage to escape after convincing him that you love him (this is a real life incident that happened to someone very close to me so quit laughing you mean spirited bitch before you make me cry). What should you do now?

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    O.K., that was fun! Isn't domestic violence a lite and fun subject? I think so too!!! We should be freinds, go out drinking together sometime... any way the next question... Do you know when to shut up?

  • 13
    Do you know HOW to shut up?

  • 14
    Calling the police....

  • 15
    Dr. Phil says that a housewife is worth something in the neighborhood of $150,000 a year. Is this shit true?

  • 16
    How do you feel about Oprah?

  • 17
    How do you react when someone calls you a "cunt"?

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    And finally, the least offensive question of them all, what race is your spouse?