• Do you despair when friends drag you to a corporate bagel chain? Do you maintain a hard-to-explain revulsion to sandwiches made with white bread and mayonnaise? Can you deploy words and phrases from the Yiddish language appropriately in context? Do you find it difficult to define your ethnicity to strangers without bringing in a religious concept? Then you, my friend, may be culturally Jewish!

    'Culturally Jewish' is a distinct concept from 'Jewish', plain and simple. Inter-denominational disagreements aside, anyone who accepts the religious precepts and requirements (well, some of them...) of any sect of Judaism is Jewish. BUT, just because you happen to be Jewish doesn't necessarily mean that you're, in the words of Grammy Hall, "a real Jew." Are you simply an American (or other nationality) of Jewish faith? Or are you so steeped in Jewish culture that, even when you declare yourself an atheist in public, you feel the need to qualify that as "a Jewish atheist"?

    This test is intended for people who grew up Jewish (of any non-Hasidic denomination -- I don't have the knowledge to prepare a Hasidic variant), so if this doesn't mean you, then don't feel bad if your score isn't as high as you would like. And, if you surprise yourself (and us) by scoring in the upper echelons, then you can proudly display your scores when your Jewish fiance's mother frets about your qualifications to join the family.

    So, come on in and have fun! And remember, play nice, and wait at least half an hour after swimming...

    By the way, it's a hard test. Don't say I didn't warn you. Plus, as of February 2006, it's been updated with a few more scoring categories, for extra precision. (You know, more or less.) Feel free to re-test, if you want to see where you fall in the new-and-improved rankings.