• Being an intellectual is a lonely life. Being an intellectual on the Internet is an even more lonely life. The web seems to be full of people who think they are intellectual because they actually read a book once that wasn't required for a college class (typically a Harry Potter book, something by Neil Gaiman, or Fifty Shades of Grey), they "constantly think about too many things, I wish I could turn off my brain!!!!! LOL," or they claim to be deep thinkers and heavy readers, which apparently means that they have read so many books that they cannot think of a single one.

    It's pretty obvious that most people who are actual intellectuals probably avoid dating and quiz-taking websites because they are too smart for such things, but if you're one of the people who are stuck on the web because you lack the money or fame to be a modern-day intellectual (the days when a person like Socrates could become eternally famous just for asking awkward questions in public are gone forever), this test will help sort out the people who think they're intellectuals because it sounds like a cool title, and people who are ready to devote their lives to learning, wisdom, and understanding because they see it not only as their life's natural and chosen path, but also because they see these things as ends in themselves.

    Yes, this test is arrogant, condescending, and takes itself too seriously. If you are not also that way, you may just want to click away from this test and assume that you would've gotten a low score.