OkCupid.com: Take The "I know how big your dick is" Test

Hi! And welcome to the Two Varible "I know how big your dick is" Test. This "FOR MEN ONLY" test is all about guessing the size of YOUR COCK! This is meant to be a fun and educational test, so get naked and grab a tape measure. You won't be measuring your dick, that's my job, but you'll need to supply some "fun to do" information to assist me in my endeavor. I'll try to make it a fun experience, but you have to do your part. So let your hair down, relax, remember no one can see your answers, and GO FOR IT! Afterwards be sure to send me feedback and let me know how accurate my method of determining your manhood has proven to be. I think I can get very close, probably within a half inch! TRY ME!

1

Oh, did I mention that lieing on this test WILL make your dick fall off? Sadly, numerous guys are obviously willing to take that chance. FIRST QUESTION: How do you part your hair? (when it's long enough to part)

On the left side

On the right

In the middle

No part

2

Take a look at your hand. (either one). Is you index finger longer or shorter than your ring finger?

Longer

Shorter

I dunno, I can't really tell

3

Now. let's talk about your little friend. Are you circumsized? (cut)

Yes

No

4

You really like your dick don't you?

Hell Yeah! It's my best friend

No more than I like my little toes

I like yours better

No, I'm thinking about having it cut off and become a woman

5

Just so you know, I won't be guessing your "Internet Size" which for some of you is 1-4 inches longer than you really are. These calculations are for ACTUAL size, so be sure to measure junior accurately to find out how big he really is. Ok, a little background information is called for. What time of year were you born?

Jan. / Feb. / Mar.

Apr. / May / Jun.

Jul. / Aug. / Sep.

Oct. / Nov. / Dec.

6

Do you remember being born?

Yeah, doesn't everyone?

Hell No! Can you?

Are you kidding? I can remember going to the Prom with dad, and coming home with mom.

Yes, I was so scared coming through that long, dark birth canal.

7

Ok, back to the mission at hand..... How would you describe the size of your nose?

I have an adorable little button nose

It's kinda long I guess

They don't call me "Ski-Slope" for nothing! (long)

I would call it a regular looking nose I guess

8

What about your looks?

I'm your average looking man I suppose

I'm above average looking, I do all right

I am a very good looking man

Well, kinda plain I guess, maybe even a little ugly

9

Ok, in the opening remarks of this test, I suggested you get naked and grab a tape measure, So here goes! Reach under your balls and measure, or just take a good look and guess at the length of your groin. (for the purpose of this test, thats the area from your asshole to where your balls are attached to your body.)

About two inches

Three inches or so

hell, Four inches?

WOW! I see my asshole!

10

Did you enjoy that? I really didn't need that information, I just wanted to give you a chance to play with your balls!

ASSHOLE!

I LOVE MY BALLS!

That's ok, I'm a prude, I didn't do it anyhow.

I played with my asshole, cool!

11

Speaking of your balls.......... How large are they compared to other guys you've seen naked?

I have HUGE beautiful balls!

They seem a little small to me, but I dunno

About the same as guys I've seen in the showers

Balls? Is that the two little dots underneath my dick?

12

Grooming habits aside, in your natural form, How much pubic hair do you have? (no need to count, just take a guess)

It's like a fucking forest down there!

I have a nice bush above my dick and minimal hair on my balls

About the same as the other guys I've seen in the showers.

I don't have pubic hair yet.

13

Does one of your balls hang lower than the other?

HOW DID YOU KNOW? Yeah, the right one does.

Yes, the left one hangs lower

I can't really tell, they look about the same to me.

They're both low hangers.

14

BODY PROPORTIONS: Measure the length of your hand from the tip of your middle finger to the rounded part of your palm. If it measures approx. 2/3 the length of your foot, check long/long or short/short depending on your correct shoe size. (under size 10 = short. 10+ =long)otherwise, (very long feet and stubby fingers or vice-versa) check long/short or short/long.

I have long feet and short fingers

I have long feet and long fingers

I have short feet and long fingers

I have short feet and short fingers

15

(Oh yeah, I DO KNOW when a guy takes this test and get "6 inches" and then retakes the test and gets a result of "9 inches". Just so you know you WILL get caught if you lie.) NEXT QUESTION: How's it hanging?

To the left

To the right

Straight up, at the moment.

It don't "hang" it just sticks out a little

16

Have you ever taken, or are you currently taking any kind of steroids?

HELL NO !!!

Yes, as prescribed by my Doctor

Well, yeah I have but it's been a long time.

I refuse to answer this question as not to incriminate myself

17

Take a good look at your navel. How does it look?

I have an "INNY"

I have an "OUTTY"

I dunno, looks like all the other guys I've seen in the shower at school

18

What is your correct Glove size?

Small

Medium

Large

Extra Large

19

Do you have a pretty dick, compared to others you've seen?

I have a fucking GORGEOUS COCK!

It's shaped a little odd, but I like it ok.

It's about like most guys.... a dick's a dick!

I like yours better!!!!!

20

To continue, YOU MUST select your CORRECT shoe size in questions 20-23. Measure your foot (NOT YOUR SHOE) in inches, from the tip of your big toes to your heel. SELECT A SIZE IN ONLY ONE of these questions and skip the other three questions or select "not listed in this group" on the ones that do not list your correct size. Selecting a size in more than one of these questions, or failing to select a size at all, will result in an error message at the end of this test stating that your "dick size" could not be calculated.

0 to 6

6 1/2 to 7

7 1/2 to 8

not listed in this group (see sizes listed in next question)

21

If your correct shoe size was not listed above, make sure you selected "not listed" and Try now! Select ONE and ONLY one size from questions 20-23.

8 1/2 to 9

9 1/2 to 10

10 1/2 to 11

not listed in this group (see questions above or below)

22

Still looking for your correct shoe size? How about now? Select ONE and ONLY one size from questions 20-23.

11 1/2 to 12

12 1/2 to 13

13 1/2 to 14

not listed in this group (see questions above or below)

23

Let's try that again for the rest of you........ Is your correct shoe size listed here? (if you've already selected a shoe size above, skip this question. Sorry for the confusion. Several people are not understanding these 4 questions. Select one and only one size from questions 20-23, but you MUST select one size.

14 1/2 to 15

15 1/2 to 16

Over 16

not listed in this group (already selected above)

24

Enough about feet, let's talk about your butt! Select the option below that best describes your sweet tushy.

I have a fabulous Ass, it's just right!

I have a "Bubble Butt"

I have a small butt, or no butt at all dammit...

Ok, I guess I'm the classic "Fat-Ass" in this group

25

Take a good look at your dick, (as if you don't have it memorized from one end to the other) and tell me what the head of it looks like.

About the same size around as the shaft

I have a "Helmet Head" on my beautiful cock

My little guy tapers on the end like he has a nose or something.

I dunno, about the same as Steve, Mike, Gary, Jack, Bobby, Sean, Chris, Jared and the other guys I've showered with at school.

26

Can you grow facial hair?

You bet buddy! I can grow it all, nice, full and thick.

I can grow a mustache and goatee but have bare spots everywhere else

NOPE! I'm a smooth kind of guy

yeah, but it's scraggly looking if I do.

27

How tall are you?

4' 11 to 5' 5"

5' 6" to 5' 10"

5' 11" to 6' 4"

6' 5" to 8'

28

Ok, back to your feet for a moment. (the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone, the ankle bone is connected to the leg bone, the leg bone is connected to the knee bone, the knee bone is connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone is connected to the MAIN BONE) What are your TOES like?

I have average toes I guess

Short and Cute just like my nose

I have really long toes

Like the other toes I've seen in the shower. I think they have toes....

29

Boxers or Briefs?

Boxers

Briefs

I don't wear underwear

Panties / Diaper

30

How long is your inseam? (the distance from your ankles to your beautiful balls). You can measure if you need to. You can take a minute here to play with yourself if you want.

24" to 28"

29" to 33"

34" to 38"

I don't have legs / Other

31

During your Adolescent years, did you jack-off a lot?

Fuck Yeah! About every 10 minutes

Yeah, at least once a day sometimes more

Well, not a LOT really. Sometimes

Only in the shower at school

32

When you get off, does your cum shoot out or kinda ooze?

SHOOTS! I've hit myself in the eye a few times!

It shoots, but not like way across the room or anything

Mine oozes but It sure feels good

Hey, Who turned off the hot water?

33

What is your overall build?

I have a small frame

I am a medium frame kind of guy

I 've got a large frame

I've been fat so long, I can't remember what my bone structure is

34

Have you EVER had sex, or jacked off with another guy? (Don't worry, there are no points for this question and no one will know your answer but you)

FUCK YEAH! Bring it on!

Silly faggots, dicks are for chicks.... (no)

A time or two maybe...... or three, or four

Yeah I've done it several times in the shower at school.

35

How do you feel about your ears?

I don't like my ears. I get called "DUMBO" all the time

I have cute little ears and a lot of charm

I have long ear lobes

They're about like everyone else's

36

What is your NATURAL hair color? (and I'm serious about that business of your dick falling off. nobody likes a liar)

Brown

Black

Blonde

Red

37

Did your mother breast feed you?

Yes

No

No, but my wife/girlfriend does

No, Daddy nursed me. Mom was busy with the twins.

38

You really don't think this test is going to work do you?

Not really, but I have nothing better to do anyway

Yeah I do

Maybe, but I'm sceptical

I don't expect it to, I lied on some important answers to get a bigger result for people to see.

39

Do your nipples get hard when you play with them?

Yes

No

Sometimes

I dunno, but something else does

40

Ok, I now have enough information to calculate your size. I should get pretty close if you've been honest on this test. I hope you have enjoyed taking this quiz as much as I enjoyed creating it. In any case, after you've seen your results, drop me a line to give me feedback as to how accurate the results were. A good rating is also appreciated. FINAL QUESTION: Take one more look at your dick. Do you have a boner right now?

Are you kidding? HELL NO!

Yeah, I'm sitting here naked remember?

Maybe.....Do You?

I don't know, I'm fat. I haven't seen my dick in years

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