The JD Wetherspoon Customer Test

 
"Fancy a night out? Perhaps a beer or other alcoholic beverage? What about a substandard coffee?

"But, God, no... not Wetherspoons please. Please. I promised myself, just after I demanded that we never set foot in a Walkabout again, that I wouldn't go in a Wetherspoons, and I'm not prepared to break that rule for YOU or ANYBODY."

 
Do you find yourself saying these words? Or words that generally paraphrase this rather overwritten paragraph?

Then you are in the right place. What sort of J.D. Wetherspoons customer are you?