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“The Google ofonline dating”
— The Boston Globe
“The bestfree dating site”
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— The Village Voice
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This is my personal, mostly unreliable, matching test. It is very likely to offend you. This is my way of weeding out those with a worthless sense of humor, the politically correct, and pickled douchebags. Just keep in mind, there are no wrong answers, only wrong people. So, if we don't match well, it only means you suck as a person, have terrible ideas, no personality, and will die naked cold and alone. With that said ...
Enjoy!
What's your age range?
18-20
21-25
26-30
30-35
36-40
41+
Zombie
And you prefer ...
Guys older than you
Guys around your age
Guys younger than you
Age is just a number invented by midgets so Hallmark can sell birday cards
Are you a Rabbi?
Yes
No
Are you a Jewish woman who thinks foreskins are mashugana, chaloshes, or chumitz?
I'm just about 5'7". Relative to me you are ...
Much taller: 6' and over
A bit taller: 5'8" to 5'11"
Same-ish: 5'6" to 5'7"
A bit shorter: 5'3" to 5'5"
Midget
Let's talk sex. You are ...
More top
More vers
More bottom
Be honest now. Condoms ...
Always
Usually
Sometimes
Never
Philosophy ...
Plato
Kant
Hegel
Sartre
Other/Don't Care
How important is money/wealth to you?
Very -- I'm a shallow cunt
So-So -- I buy cunts at Target
Not at all -- My cunt has a Karl Marx beard
Do you have a spiritual side?
No. Unless orgasms count.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare!
Sweeeeeet Jesus! (Now with Spenda!)
Ohm Mani Padme Hum
Meet me at the annual Coven potlauch, Matilda
Alahaaaaaaa Huuuu Akbar!!!! (BOOM!)
Jedi, Sith, Other.
Which fantasy is hottest ...
Noble Knight and dutiful squire
Wehrmacht and Partisan
Woodie Allen and Brainy Smurf
Cylon Centurian and C3PO
Wembly Fraggle and Mr. T
Hadrian and Antinous
Which is closer to your communication style ...
More of a listener/passive
More of a talker/aggressive
Know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em
Are you shy or socially akward?
A bit, yes
I'm too shy to say
Do you consider yourself an "Intellectual?"
Are you cut or uncut?
Cut
Uncut
I'm no size queen, but which comes closest to describing your junk ...
"Shit, bitch. If I aint black I should be."
"I don't care what Gay porn says. It's average I tell you!"
"It is just the right size for inclusion in my Star Wars action figure diarama."
What's most important to you in a potential boyfriend?
Great brain
Great body
Similarly ...
Charisma and charm
All the right moves in bed
What's more appealing ...
Camping and cuddling with a boyfriend
Some hot nights with the hot fling
Meet and Greets at Ye Ole Gloryhole
Massaging Grand mama's bunions
Were do we first meet up?
Coffee shop
Dive Pub
Gay club
Never, ever, ever you horrible monster!
And what do we talk about?
Politics, history, culture
Politics, history, culture with progressive sexual innuendo
Fashion, pop culture, and why your shoes are fabulous
The Golden Girls
Your shy so you hope I take the lead in choosing topics
Other
I already told you I'm not meeting you at the bar or anywhere else, you monster!
History ...
Is a random crap shoot
Is driven is ordered and somewhat predictable
Is something I know little about but like to hear about
Is not as important as math and science
Go! →
The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test
aneristic32 / m / Straight
The LONG Scientific Personality Test
Eternalnite4eva31 / m / Straight
The Logical Thinking Test
glasgowRhos25 / f / Straight
The Ethical Slut Test
Jesterful24 / m / Bisexual
The Best Thing About You Test
RabbitAntlers24 / f / Straight
