Jun 13, 2005: Edited to make it a bit easier get inside the walls of my icy palace; too many people were dying off.
Well, it's time for me to be completely honest with you: I'm going to destroy the planet. I feel that too much dumb crap has gone down and now it's time to reboot. I've developed an ultra-powerful satellite-based Freeze Ray system, able to instantly plunge the earth into an Ice Age the likes of which it has never seen.
Why am I coming forward with this now, you may ask, and risk exposure? Well, it would be pretty damn lonely down there in my hidden antarctic biodome with naught but my hyperintelligent androids to keep me company, so I'm sending out a call for those who wish to avoid a frigid death and join me in my new Utopia.
Generous, you say? No.
Not everyone is eligible; only those who prove themselves to be in possession of the necessary qualities. Take this test and find out if you have the right stuff to sidestep my apocalypse!
P.S. I have set the test to moderately favour females of my age preference, because I am a sexist pig, an evil genius, and I can do whatever I want.
P.P.S. If you work for the CIA or MI6 or something, uh, this is all an elaborate prank. Do not proceed to 81.3°S 160.6°E. There is nothing there. At all. Really.
P.P.P.S. This is all tongue-in-cheek. If you can't take a joke it's suggested that you desist now.