• Do you have a highly cultured and sophisticated life? Do you read widely, have a working knowledge of fine wines, and recline in the evenings on a settle to listen to obscure jazz CDs? Do you like to make sure people know what a cool cat you are? Or is your life a gloriously unreflecting festival of low-brow horror? Perhaps your true calling is to watch Eurotrash and masturbate while leafing through a grimy tabloid. Let's see...

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