• OK OK I know - everyone has a sex test on this site, and the last thing we need is another one. But I've done a few and they don't relate to any sex I've ever been involved in. I think we've been watching too much porn and inventing too many imaginary encounters for ourselves. This is the sex test for real people with too many elbows. This test won't give you a cheap erotic thrill to take (in fact perhaps I should warn you some of it is a bit gruesome). It works for men or women, gay or straight (I think) and it's designed to measure whether you are any good at sex in the real world ('cos we are all brilliant at it in our dreams!). Virgins and porn stars need not apply.