• Hoot, mon! And welcome tae my Scottish Wannabe Test. Ah'll be using advanced lowgic and knowledge tae determine yer true Scottishness. If ye wir born inta Scotland, bugger off, China; you ken ye are! Noo, let's proceed and see if yer a chughda, a wanker or a pile o' shite! So, ye skirt wearing Yankees and ye Australian fling-dancers, take the fookin test afore I skelp yer ears!

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