• Hi! And welcome to my would you take me out in public Test. I'll be using advanced logic and knowledge to determine your true nature. ...yep, I'm too lazy to make it anymore interesting than that, go on and take it if you like. By the way that's a picture of me and my friend doing awesome things with my extra skin just after I had my daughter
  • 1
    We're walking about a mall just chatting and having a blast and we stop for moment! you've found something completely awesome and you're telling me all about it when you finally realize it's too quiet...you look over and there I am admiring my amazing self in the mirror. You..

  • 2
    We're at your parents house for the first or second time! You're parents make a beautiful dish and I devour the whole thing way too fast! "Oh my goodness Mrs. Dingleberryshnots! This was amazing!" I proceed to excuse myself and beeline it for the bathroom! The family continues to quietly eat, the expected "well isn't she nice" comment is suddenly interrupted with something that sounds like someone making a balloon squeak then suddenly letting it go..followed by a series of stifled school girl giggles. What's the plan for the next time we hang out?

  • 3
    You, a mutual friend and I are hanging out having a blast! It just so happens that she's a bit religious! We're talking about amazing moments when she brings up how Jesus Christ our Lord saved her in a horrific car accident. I quickly chime in "Oh yeah like Buddy Christ right? Did he really give you an ok and thumbs up before he left into the white light?" You...

  • 4
    We're walkin around town when we come by a place playing great music that we both love! You open the door for me and instead of me walking in I take a few steps back get a running start and jump and slide on my knees doing the "jazz hands" until I stop. You...

  • 5
    Watching a cool movie with each other totally vegging out when suddenly an ongoing sound finally gets our attention...we look around until we find one of my 4 cats making sweet, wet, slobbering, love to her genitalia with what used to be her cute pink tongue. You...

  • 6
    The music is loud, the people are jumping, this club is fucking awesome! My favorite dancing song comes on "Baby got back" and I proceed to slither out of my pants and wave my ass at everyone. You...

  • 7
    Hmmmmm hm the food is great! This restaurant is actually pretty decent! Of course it's the Texas Roadhouse! god I love steak. I devour an entire 12oz ribeye with potatoes, and a house salad and a couple mixed drinks. oh god yeah! I then lay back, unbutton my fly, and let out a belch that makes the martini glasses clatter and makes 4 other tables look at us. You...

  • 8
    A very overweight girl decides to try on the tightest god damn thing she can mange to put on. It looks horrible on her but she insists on asking us if it looks good as we try to pass by without laughing. She had to ask so I had to reply "Honey you've got more rolls than a bakery." She turns purple and runs at us. You...

  • 9
    Ahhhh nice, nothing like a day at home. Instead of going out we invite a friend of ours over who's a litttttle uptight, but somewhat cool. We're all talking about what we should eat and the question settles on me. "So, Shirl what are you in the mood for?" Without skipping a beat I grab one of my cats and pretend to lick it. Our friend finds it less than humorous. You...

  • 10
    You are what you eat!