Apr 11, 2012 4:24am

In today's modern society, can someone please explain to me why people have such vitriol against non-committed sex? If you are not interested in it, fine, you are free to feel that way. But why do people go out of their way to put down others because they are looking for non-committed sex? So far this week I've been told that I use "all manners" of reasoning to "convince" myself that casual sex is ok when it is not, and been advised to edit my profile so as not to attract the "wrong type" of people like who will consider my profile sexual. And these weren't religious types; these were self-described liberals.

The "all manners of reasoning" comment is the one that really got me. She clearly sent the message that I disappointed her due to my stance and that I left her to relegate me to the barrel of guys who were not worth her attention. One chick over the summer told me that I was "not worth her time" to even talk to and blocked me, and she said that after I sent her a completely off-topic and harmless short message about something in her profile. She read something about casual sex in my profile, replied with the message above and blocked me.

What exactly possesses people to attack others this way? I mean, beyond just pissing me off, do women just make these global judgements against all men? Why can't people just agree to disagree and stop judging me as "sub-ethical" just because I disagree with them?


Apr 11, 2012 6:17am

I feel you on this one, Mr Pork.

Many people are sexually repressed and unfortunately use it as a bargaining chip. 

Fucking simply for the sake of fucking seems disadvantageous to this agenda and so becomes violently distasteful to them.

I can only conjecture they feel they're not getting what's entitled to them in the monogamy department and are therefore quite attitudinal.



Apr 11, 2012 6:19am

Psh, most okc-ers love casual sex just as much as the next guy, but it's rather gauche to talk about it in your profile.


Apr 11, 2012 6:29am


Oh My!

What will the neighbors think.


Apr 11, 2012 6:34am

Well, it's only gauche to display it without realizing that prudish types will take offense. I would consider: if you're also looking for a more committed relationship, I would absolutely refrain from putting that detail, in detail, into my profile. In other words, if you're banging until you're monogamous, don't speak of it. if all you want, on the other hand, are hookups, sure, go right ahead. You've got to make the noises that attract the ones you really want, and bad comments against be damned.


Apr 11, 2012 6:39am

For the record, the only reference to casual sex I have ever had in my profile was when I had that option checked in my "Looking For" section. My profile exists to attract women. What happens with that attraction is between her and me and is not included in my profile. The "wrong type" commenter made her comment based on this: "You should message me if • you're intelligent (I am sapiosexual)" Since she didn't know what sapiosexual was, she thought most women would consider it sexual and thus only women looking for casual sex would contact me - those women being the "wrong type" for me. The "all manners of reasoning" comment sprung from a conversation on the subject and not from anything in my profile.

I agree that it is rather in bad social taste to discuss casual sex in a profile which is why I have never done so. There are other websites for that.

And all this goes without mentioning this simple fact: Few truly desirable men are NOT having sex, regardless of their dating status on their profile. All those single, fun, attractive, witty, charming, successful men out there that every woman is looking for - most likely he is already having sex, because if you find him desirable, certainly dozens of other women do as well, and some of them are willing to have sex with him outside of a committed relationship, and very few of those men are turning those women down on their offers. To think otherwise is sadly naive. And I find it completely baffling that some, perhaps many, women continue to not accept this fact. It is almost like they think every person should be monogamous to the envisioned person in their head that they will one day spend the rest of their lives with, and anyone who engages in sex outside of that relationship is effectively cheating on this person who may not even exist in your life yet. And the holier-than-thou attitude that stems from it is just so insulting to me.


Apr 11, 2012 6:40am

Haven't read your profile, OP (disclosure: Idgif), but people who overshare things usually have boundary issues. I'm fairly sexually liberated but bragging about letting your penis run free seems kind of... tacky.

Wait, are you saying that women who don't have casual sex are just going to "lose out" to the women who do because men are driven purely by their desire to bang? I remember reading an article to that effect, and I thought it was largely bullshit. It's like saying men simply can't control their lusty urges and that's a dangerous slippery slope. 


Apr 11, 2012 6:45am

Hence your "gauche" comment. I agree which is why I don't talk about it in my profile.


Apr 11, 2012 6:47am

Heh. Got a chuckle out of "sapiosexual". Ok, OP, I'll give you that she shouldn't have spazzed out on you (perhaps she should have googled the definition?), but I still don't agree with some of your other points. 


Apr 11, 2012 6:49am

nice one, Pork :)


Apr 11, 2012 8:39am

Since when is saying you're interested in "casual sex" bragging?

Speaking of gauche, it's a dating site as opposed to a "I'm-coupled-up and-not-looking-for-anything" site  Hello?


Personally, I put "casul sex" on my profile because:

1-I enjoy it and have no problem being honest with people about openly seeking it.


2- It saves me time so women (particularly the angry puritanical types Mr. Pork has alluded to) aren't mislead about my non-monogamous (ew how icky!) intentions.


Please be reminded this is a dating site, not a yacht club. 





Apr 11, 2012 8:51am

I would much rather a man be honest up front, and have no issue with the "casual sex" option. But since it's not for me (usually), I would prefer that a man be honest also in his intentions if that's the only thing he's open to...


Apr 11, 2012 8:58am

I'm open to all sorts of friendships, activities and interpersonal relationships, Miss Smacks.

What I'm not looking for is exclusive sexual monogamy for the rest of my life.

That would bore me to years.

And trust me, I'm not bragging when I say I want my penis to run free. 


Apr 11, 2012 9:01am

u need to get new friends

What exactly possesses people to attack others this way?

low self esteem/ respect, boredom?


Apr 11, 2012 9:40am

You need more pics of your dick bro. 


Or you need to wear dicks.


Or you need to point to your dick in a picture and have the comment say something like "Slutty bitches only."


Apr 11, 2012 12:36pm

It doesn't help when men are calling women who engage in casual sex "slutty bitches" and shit like that. It's certainly slowing any chances of progress toward acceptance of non-committed sexual relationships in this already fucked up society.


Apr 11, 2012 1:06pm

Isn't all sex that's non-monogamous/weird committed yet open poly relationships casual?


Apr 11, 2012 1:10pm

What I'm not looking for is exclusive sexual monogamy for the rest of my life

But there's such little of it left!


Apr 11, 2012 1:44pm

I agree, Miss Dell.

Of course that sort of thing is learned in the schoolyard very early on. If the girl is openly sexual she's a slut or a skank while the guy is a dog or a gross pervert.


And it's true, Mr. Swankybrain. None of us are getting any younger, are we? Of course some of us just do more living in general.





Apr 11, 2012 1:57pm

A LOT of men have told me that if a woman comes on to them extremely sexually, as in 'I want to fuck your brains out', they won't have anything to do with them. I tend to agree with the saying, 'An angel on the street and a devil in bed'.

The majority of the flags that I see in flagmod are from men sending sexual first messages to women. Women simply don't want this. How hard is it for men to understand this? Sure, a lot of women are into casual sex, and have sex on the first date, but if they put that on their profile, they would swamped with men and messages they have no interest in.

As is suggested to many of the men sending these kind of messages, go to AFF. That is more suited to your style. This is a dating site. Not a sex site.

Post a comment