Do you generally write okcupid users, or do they generally write you first?



Jul 9, 2009 6:49pm

I wish more women wrote men without the formality of the man writing first. It occasionally happens, and it's nice, but I'm all about equal rights. LOL.


Jul 9, 2009 6:52pm

Because they're too lazy and/or they go by that stupid, age old gender-role model. I'm one of those people who think that gender-roles should be discarded entirely from society.. but that'll never happen.<br><br>

Oh well.


Jul 9, 2009 6:53pm

I voluntarily message guys...but the ones I have messaged don't message me back.

Guys that message me fist get a reply at least, so I think I'll just sit back and let guys message me from now on.


Jul 9, 2009 6:54pm

They have no need to write until they get textually assaulted by enough goofballs that they decide to take the reins in their own hands.  But mostly they have so many guys contacting them that they wouldn't have time to contact one even if they wanted to. 


Jul 9, 2009 6:56pm

Yeah, I message people I find approachable and interesting, and reply. I really hate it when my friends are uncommunicative in life, so I try not to be.


Jul 9, 2009 7:02pm

Fantasy - you think you'd get this awesome; has her shit together girl. A girl that knows what she wants, and goes after it.

Reality - Fat, desperate girl that smells easy pray messages you 

I'm still holding out hope for the fantasy, but with the odds on okcupid along with my horrible profile pic its always #2


Jul 9, 2009 7:24pm


"Never" is a long time, but human behavior seems to lag far behind accepting an idea.  It can be frustrating.



Good for you.  It surprises (less and less) me when women I consider assertive and independent expect me to consistently take the lead in a relationship.  

You've also hit on a "pet peave" of mine.  No communication is the new communication.  No response means I'm not interested. That has a nagging ambiguity to it.  The phrase "being able to take a hint" assumes a certain amount of basic information.  Do you think it has something to do with all the electronic ways we communicate these days?


Jul 9, 2009 7:29pm

Because most of us are ugly. Hot girls outnumber hot guys and that's why they get SOOO much pussy.


Jul 9, 2009 7:31pm

sometimes we just don't know what to say without coming off as desperate/wierd or stupid. lol, however I do agree that a friendly hello never hurts!


Jul 9, 2009 7:37pm

<Finds girls that message me striking and interesting.


Jul 9, 2009 7:50pm

A girl messaging me first on here was the result of finding a relationship on here that's lasted for 6 months so far and counting. OKC needs more people like that.. then more of us guys would be happy.


Jul 9, 2009 7:52pm

has a lot to do with nature. man is supposed to chase what he wants (and then hit her with club and drag into cave... or if you're jame gumb, a well)

Anyway it's fucking stupid because men are primarily interested in physical aspects first, and personality second. So what you gonna do? message somebody about their profile pic?

a woman however is more likely to be interested in what you wrote, not what you look like.

so in an intertube context, roles should be reversed. but women cant take the initiative. and this is why dating sites usually lead nowhere... because what woman will respond to "youre hot, we have 90% match, what's up?"


Jul 9, 2009 7:56pm

We like to have people do things for us. It makes us feel like pretty pretty princesses, as though you are our devoted manservants.

Jul 9, 2009 8:25pm

Everytime i message a guy, I hardly get a response. -shrugs- sometimes it's hard to think up a good opening message. HI feels weird.


Jul 9, 2009 8:46pm

"We like to have people do things for us. It makes us feel like pretty pretty princesses, as though you are our devoted manservants." -Brosb4hos

That is the absolute best answer.


Jul 9, 2009 9:15pm

Well guys seem to like it so if you're a chick and you're interested in meeting guys then problem solved: make the first move with an e-mail. Age old gender roles don't apply since this isn't technically a bar, club, or social situation.

Jul 10, 2009 1:02am

Guys have the same problems, of figuring out what to write and not getting replies - certainly contriving an opening message is rarely easy for me.

On the matter of getting a reply - I did the maths some time ago, and from a sample size of about 70 women messaged only around 50% replied to my opening message. My messages were all personalised (none of this "hi, how r u, wanna chat"), and didn't carry any innuendo / sexual-come-on's etc.

From what I can tell, 50% is probably a higher than average reply rate for a guy, but it can still be unmotivating.


Jul 10, 2009 1:12am

The ones i'm not the least bit interested in message me. The ones im interested in, don't message me back.

It's a really annoying dance.


Then there's the ones that you do get a reply talk once, then for no reason, never talk again. Maybe thats just me though.


Jul 10, 2009 1:18am

^ Ditto.

I still can't figure out why most "conversations" die after just one reply - is there a thread discussing that anywhere around here?


Jul 10, 2009 1:44am

I'd say I initiate about 60% of attempted conversations, but yeah, I suck when it comes to basic conversations so initial messages don't do me any favors - even when they message me first, 80% die off after one message either way, though I've also had my fair share of ones where I'm inclined to not reply either as what they've said has been just as wierd.

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