Feb 3, 2013 9:21am

Summary of this thread:

OP: ::question::

Others: ::answer::



Feb 3, 2013 11:33am


who is obviously NEVER EVER going to get it.


Speaking only for myself - If I truly thought that, I certainly wouldn't be bothering.

I know Nicholas' type/situation, I've known people like him.

He may well not change immediately, but I do think he has the ability to evolve his thinking. Unlike a huge part (maybe majority) that post in the forums these days, at least he comes across as being sincere and not just posting this like some sort of writing/sociology project or joke where's he's just trying to troll and see how people respond.

He also appears to be reasonably literate and capable of thought. I'm not in the camp that immediately declares someone 'stupid' just because they tend to make certain sorts of unproductive (or even seemingly nonsensical at times) decisions/choices.



Feb 3, 2013 6:38pm

OP, I'm more inclined to think that your problems are down to geographical isolation than to a catastrophic lack of social skills. Unfortunately there's really only one think to do about that: do whatever you can to get out of your home town.

It's admirable, in a way, that you can be so honest about your total lack of romantic experience on your profile, but I don't think it's doing you any favours. It's not dishonest to keep that information to yourself, at least initially. You can always drop that bombshell when you've wormed your way into a lady's affections somewhat. And maybe, just maybe, it will be enough to mitigate the depressing tendency of people to make stupid assumptions about how being a virgin past an arbitrarily socially acceptable age makes you some kind of fucked up freak.



Feb 3, 2013 8:12pm

Didn't you say you want a female version of you? Because presumably a female version of you wouldn't want to come on to men, and would want them to come on to her? In which case I'm seeing a potential problem...

If she was the female version of me she would believe that women should approach men for once.



Feb 4, 2013 3:36am

If she was the female version of me she would believe that women should approach men for once.

Dude, there are plenty of women out there approaching men right now.  If they're not approaching you, it's not because there's something wrong with women, you know?

The "female version of you," whoever that might be, has other guys right now that she'd rather be with.  Because there are other male versions of the female version of you who don't need rescuing.


Feb 4, 2013 6:26am

Summary of this thread:

OP: ::question::

Others: ::answer::


I daresay that  Nyamuk has won this thread.


Feb 4, 2013 6:52am

If she was the female version of me she would believe that women should approach men for once.

That wouldn't be the female version of the OP, because this hypothetical female doesn't believe that all males should come to her.


Feb 4, 2013 7:34am

^ I guess it depends whether you think people are defined by their personality or by their opinions; the OP seems to favour the latter, where I'd go with the former.


Feb 4, 2013 11:59am

^ I guess it depends whether you think people are defined by their personality or by their opinions; the OP seems to favour the latter, where I'd go with the former.

I think most of us feel that people are more defined by their personality than their opinions.

I think it would behoove the OP to examine his preferences and aim for personality traits that those preferences embody, rather than being so stubborn about his preferences for non smoking, liberal women who never want children.

OP prefers those on the political left. He seems to think that those that are not on the left are incapable of caring for other human beings, or whatever. Instead, the OP could try and search for women that embody the reasons why he admires the political left, even if they aren't card carrying members of the political left.

Wait, that's right. He already "knows" that he can't get along with anybody that isn't politically left. Somehow. Because everyone that isn't politically left is exactly the same.


Feb 4, 2013 12:39pm

It is a problem for all women because they don't want the emotional attachment that comes from a virgin.

    Often, though, they ignore the reality that, low and behold, often the virgin is simply a virgin not because he wasn't offered anything, but because he didn't want what was available to him.  They may also take the detached attitude of, for example "why the hell should I date a fat girl just to have sex...when I'm not fat?" or "why should I date an unemployed woman when I have a full-time job?"

    They may even only want to date women much more pretty than them, which often represents strong emotional detachment from most women.





Feb 4, 2013 12:49pm

Don't the women on that this is a free dating site and not a bar? The majority of men using this site are  losers making a last resort.


   Uh, no.  Those people have several easier loser options, that border on white-washed prostitution, like speaking to someone in person who's grotesquely out of shape and/or dressed in rags and, for example, taking that person in for a meal and using said dependencies as a way to get a leg up any getting them to feel indirectly pressured to say yes to sex. 


Another issue about virginity...

   What these women likely really mean to ask (about virginity) is

"Have you ever been offered sex?"

  Many men who are virgins have...and just didn't take the bait.  I lost mine at almost 19...but was offered a chance to lose it at 16. 


Yet another issue is that many men, after a first time, are not emotionally attached.  Instead, they run the other way and try to find another woman for comparison, since they don't have any idea what the range in sexual quality is.  This, again, presents the opposite problem: the man is emotional detached, rather than desperate, due to virginity.


Feb 4, 2013 12:56pm

    Far as smoking as a dealbreaker IMO it's worth sticking to.  Although, I "lost out" on several people in high school over that one issue alone who were otherwise perfect, I don't regret it a bit.  I start coughing at a mere hint of second hand smoke...how am I supposed to kiss someone with it?   Or even stay in the same area holding hands while they smoke (e.g. look like I know them)?  You can't just ask a woman to please grab some mints either: she'll slap you silly (never done, but seen what happens with men who've tried that)...


Feb 4, 2013 1:04pm

Right, because the only two options are gentle sex or degradation and physical abuse.

Some people only like rough sex


People often misinform about that sort of thing as BDSM/abusive/a-sign-of-past-abuse...though, so I don't blame to OP for being confused.

    One of my past g/f loved for me to throw her on the bed and call her a "f**king bitch" while she called me her "bad boy"...in fact she demanded it and I scratched my head thinking "you really want that?!" And the same women called me "baby", held hands, and gave me back/shoulder massages in public when I sat down...she was so gentle, until we hit the sheets.  Some people have just dual personalities that way, and it doesn't mean they're BDSM or "like abuse".



Feb 4, 2013 1:10pm

And in the one case I know of where I had sex with a virgin, that was pretty much exactly what happened. She was so mature, literate and sex/touch-positive in other ways, had all sorts of libertine friends and buddies, she just hadn't ever 'gone all the way' yet. And it was fine. That relationship lasted for over 10 yrs.


   Knock on wood...some people are fast learners, even if they've never had sex.  Also, some people have had sex with tons of people, but never with the same person more than once, because they/others have no skill and/or ambition to improve themselves at sex or learn the ropes.

  You can't really know if someone is good at sex...until you have sex with them (or at least do something sexual with them to get a good hint). 



Feb 4, 2013 1:32pm

    Also, knock on wood, the OP is very stereotypically ugly physically, and that's probably the main reason he's having problems...with the dealbreaker list (being conservative and never wanting children) and negativity about his life being other obvious setbacks in my book.

   The point (to the OP) isn't to make you hate yourself for looks...but stop beating yourself up so much for that women aren't giving you much slack for even slightly imperfect behavior when it largely isn't your fault.


    Now to improve on the things that are, to some extent, your fault...

  Look, man...if she's conservative, it really doesn't matter unless she forces her views on you...so give her the benefit of the doubt: many women are smart enough to keep their politics to themselves.

  If she has children already, it honestly does likely increase the risk she's may see you as a caretaker for her kids over a person.  However, if she simply wants children with you, consider it a huge compliment...and, trust me, at least when you have a faithful women, having your own kid(s) feels great.


There's no reason to repeatedly call yourself a loser though, even if you do live with your dad and so on: any woman who calls you on that, chances are, isn't really worth it and likely is, at least in part, trying to find a man to support her as she can't support herself to her desired lifestyle ,though you should make it clear you don't intend to lean on her financially and are working on getting a job or certification for one (with evidence, of course).

Plus you don't have a car mainly b/c of your epilepsy...so there's really no reason to list that anywhere as your fault.

   You can also sing (something, trust me, most guys can't even begin to do), you know something about English food (you really should elaborate on it...I had no clue it even exists), you like old school video games and old-school TV shows (trust me, some women actually are crazy about that stuff).  You also have a list of favorite directors rather than just movies, a deeper level of insight to the industry IMO.  I, for one, am really interested to know why, as, I'm sure, are a good few women.

  Those...are just a few of the positive things you can write your profile about.

  Also, knock on wood, you might have better luck dating people in a similar situation e.g. with epilepsy who can't drive, with a physical handicap, or so on.    People on this list tend to be royal bastards about people with any sort of disability but, unless they get in the way of how you want to or can live (e.g. your "bottlenecks"), many disabilities really don't matter much.  I once dated a woman with epilepsy...and that just meant I had to drive her places and/or arrange for transportation...it wasn't like she was using me, more like I drove her some place and she'd pay for the meal in return.  Those sorts of things can be worked out with some creativity. 

   Far as finding a job, you're well spoken enough and I'm sure it will happen with time and effort.  Some tradesman e.g. plumbers will admittedly  hire unlicensed workers and train them, for example, and even getting an "easy" certification in several months, such as A+ for computer repair, can lend you a job.  I'd advise against retail work as being stereotypically cute and happy-go-lucky is essential for most retail jobs.




Feb 5, 2013 4:44am

6 posts in a row???



Feb 5, 2013 9:01am

^ Or is that...ultra combo!

Was responding to many different quotes by others so, sure, it took a while.


Feb 5, 2013 10:17am

Dude you need to learn how to get along with other human beings first before any relationship will come near you. How do you get along with a conservative woman? By being a decent human being and realizing not everyone you disagree with is someone to hate.

If you hate everyone you disagree with, you are not going to be just single forever, you are going to be ALONE forever, as in no other person will want anything to do with you.

Learn not to be arrogant, go meet people as friends, not as dates. Through meeting people, and learning basic social skills, you can try to find this female clone that you desire. 

Since you live in an area with low population, you have to talk to people you come across wherever you are publicly: Stores, walking down the street, fast food places, anywhere you are.


Feb 5, 2013 10:46am

Through meeting people, and learning basic social skills

        I have a hunch this is a catch-22 e.g.

*) The OP started out as positive, accepting things such as conservative women and having children...but

*) Was bashed by women with those views and "learned" to hate himself after being told by them people to do so. 

*) Coincidentally, he learned to hate them/distance-himself-from-them as a self-defense mechanism not because he never knew better, but because treating them as equals got him nowhere.

OP...does any of this ring a bell?


  But I do believe talking to people as friends is a good start e.g. try to have a good discussion with anyone on the street...hell, even a conservative lesbian with adopted kids, who you're not vaguely attracted to anyhow, and simply keep the conversation upbeat (don't worry about being Mr. Entertaining/Funny/etc.).  Do it for your own amusement rather than to impress them: you'll be surprised how much more your personality shines through that way. 

  Also, true story, I once actually dated a woman I thought I had no chance with (way out my league) just as a kind of joke and a chance to have a crazy night out.  I spent the whole time cracking jokes at her and not worrying about how I looked or if her personality fit mine (turns out she was hyper-conservative, I am very liberal...she was into the finer things in life, I was a DIY guy...and we just made flirty fun of each other).  That same night...I ended up in bed with her at her demands, no joke: never saw it coming.  Sometimes great things happen when you stop over-analyzing and/or trying to "defend yourself".



Feb 6, 2013 3:35pm

I have never been accepting of conservative women. Why would I accept a Social Darwinist, Randian, Christploitationist, homophobic, glass closet racist, America hating, cappie maniac?

On the having kids part I made the decision to remain childfree for life when I was 15.

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